First question would be who the hell is Christina Aguilera getting marriage to - Jordan Bratman? Ok, who's that? Ah doesn't matter I guess. I can only imagine this weeks tabs will be filled with photos of Christina Aguilera's wedding. We're sure to be on Christina picture overload and all of it likely to be boring wedding photos - the dress, the cake, the shoes, etc. Christina Aguilera's wedding could only be made interesting if she wore a see through wedding dress that showed her boobs and nipple rings, and then her giant fake boobs popped out as she said "I do". Now those are wedding photos I'd go looking for. I had planned to take some photos of my own of Christina's wedding. I had an elaborate plan to freeze myself into the center of an ice sculpture. I won't go into details, but let's just say things didn't work as planned.

Word is that the Aguilera wedding is to take place in Napa Valley. Christina's going to wear a wedding dress by Christian Lacroix and panties by fruit of the loom (ok I made that part up). Jeweler Stephen Webster made Christina and Jordans wedding bands and giant ass five-carat engagement ring. You could probably choke a horse with that one. We'll have to wait and see how fact Christina jumps on the Britney baby bandwagon. At least Christina Aguilera's not marrying a hill-billy.

File under Christina Aguilera Got Married Jordan Bratman.