After an agonizing wait (read that has who really cares) we finally discover the real father of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter Dannielynn. Larry Birkhead made the announcement himself outside a Bahamas courthouse. He even threw in an "I told you so". Really, he did. So we can now say goodbye to Howard K Stern and Prince Whoeverthefuck who also claimed to be father. Didn't OJ throw his hat in the ring for this as well. Let's say goodbye to him too. Now for the love of all things good and evil will this story just go away already. Birkhead's going to be rich, Stern's going to be poor. Tada, we're done. Source.

More Anna Nicole Smith news today. The DNA test results aren't back until next week, but we've got something even better - her diaries. The two diaries kept in the early 1990's give us a peak into Anna's inner, ah, workings?

"I've been really stressed out lately and depressed and I can't quit eating. I feel like a pig," dated Aug. 16, 1992.

Anna's diaries will be auctioned off in a few weeks with other memorabilia.

On J. Howard Marshall II: Howard has been buying me som jewelry but he call me 15 or 20 times a day it drives me crazy. I love him but he aggravates me somtimes," she wrote. "I don't no what to do about Paul hes strange guy. I hate for men to want sex all the time.

Again on Marshall in 1994: Hes so very weak and fragile When I touch him Im afraid he might break," she wrote in an undated entry. "If Jesus desides to take him I dont no what I'll do. I love him so much it hurts me to site and watch him when hes hurting I just want to hold him touch him let him no how much I care.

I think the most amazing thing about all of this is that technology has found a way to construct actual words and sentences out of crayon drawings of stick figures, hearts and Carebears.

Photo: Photorazzi.com | Source

As if it wasn't possible to make the Anna Nicole's death story even more boring the official reports says that Anna simply died of an overdose. She was not murdered and Anna Nicole Smith did not committ suicide. After all this time and media hype a drug overdose is all we get. It's sad, sure. But I was hoping for something cool like they discovered she had lived her entire life without a liver and could now in death do some miraculous good for mankind. Apparently even her anus was unremarkable (seriously, not my words).

So now we're off to the races to find out who really is the father of Dannielynn? On that note, just stop for a minute and think of the logistics with four guys genuinely believing they could be the father of her baby. It's basic math, there is only a finite time she could have conceived the kid and with that much action going on you'd think one of those guys would have bumped into the other on the way in or out.

Photo: Photorazzi.com

ExtraTV reports that some character named Mark "Hollywood" Hatten has thrown his hat in the ring as yet another possible father of Dannielynn. Better than that, Hatten claims there is an Anna Nicole Smith sex tape that was left in the Bahamas house. The thought that Anna Nicole might have a few sex tapes lying around is certainly believable, but if you look at the first page of the handwritten letter from Mark Hatten sent to Extra and TMZ you'll probably have some second thoughts about the source. Aside from it looking like the ramblings of a bored 6th grader in math class Hatten says, "It's just I'm limited being in prison...".

I have no clue if that refers to a literal prison or just a general state of mind, but something tells me Hatten's claims of an Anna sex tape are about as believable as that letter winning a Nobel Prize. The ExtraTV story has the full 11 page pdf of his ramblings. Source.

I wasn't going to bother and post this but it's so damn bizarre it deserves a rightful place in our Anna Nicole Smith archives. It's Anna Nicole dressed as a clown while pregnant. I'll leave it to you to decide if she was on drugs, but consider that Howard K. Stern asks her on camera whether or not she was on a mushroom trip. Anna Nicole doesn't appear to realize she's wearing the clown makeup, or that the earth is round, or that generally speaking clowns are scary. I think the question of how did Anna Nicole Smith die becomes clearer frame by frame.

Watch the clown video here.

Video of Anna Nicole Smith being take out of the hotel by paramedics. There's no end to the Anna Nicole Smith news these days.

If it seemed the celebrity gossip mills would ever run out of fuel, think again. Husband of Zsa Zsa Gabor, Prince Frederick von Anhalt claims he is the father of Anna Nicole Smith's son Dannielynn. Von Anhalt claims say he had an affiar with Anna Nicole Smith for 10 years! So now you've got three guys claiming to be Dannielynn's dad - Howard K Stern, Larry Birkehad and von Anhalt. I half expect Michael Jackson to step up and claim paternity.

Even better, Prince Frederick von Anhalt claims Anna Nicole asked him to make her a princess like his wife Zsa Zsa. (Comedy). Anhalt say he considered adobting Anna Nicole but Zsa Zsa refused to sign the adoption papers. Seriously, I'm not making this gossip up. It's crazy.

So the question now is who gets custody of Dannielynn and who get's Anna's estate? It's a legal puzzle with tons of factors. Like was Howard K Stern legally married to Anna? What was the official country of residence when Dannilynn was born? And who really is the legal father. If Prince frederick von Anhalt is the father then that would make Dannielynn heir to something? Perhaps crazy town. And let's start with figuring out how did Anna Nicole Smith die?

Source.

So now the million dollar question is what killed Anna Nicole Smith? Did she die of a drug overdose? Was Anna murdered? Heartbreak perhaps? How is Howard K Stern coping with her sudden death? Was her death from natural causes? A disease? And how exactly did her son Daniel die? Methadone, but how and why. (Hum. Pause here while I rub my chin a bit.). Anna Nicole Smith's death sadly has all the elements of a classic Hollywood whodunit murder screenplay. Now just wait out the requisite period of mourning and then start the Anna Nicole Smith mini-series machinery.

Photo: Photorazzi.com

CNN reports.

Reality TV star and former model Anna Nicole Smith was pronounced dead Thursday after being taken to a Florida hospital after being found unconscious in her hotel room, a law enforcement source with knowledge of the case told CNN.

Typically I'd make a joke about yet another publicity stunt. But clearly this would be the end all be all. So probably not appropriate. Hard to believe.

Three women have brought a lawsuit against Anna Nicole Smith and TrimSpa Inc. claiming they used deceptive business practices to sell their product.

In their suit, the three women claim that they were injured as a result of the defendants' dirty dealings. They did not detail the nature of the alleged injuries, however, so it's unclear whether the plaintiffs didn't lose weight or suffered other physical consequences.

I think we've all suffered physical consequences from just hearing about Anna Nicole Smith. I'm going to do some checking, but I'm pretty sure we can pin this Global warming thing and the extinction of the Dodo on Anna as well.

Source.