Here's Ashley Simpson on Ellen Degeneres continuing to dodge questions about being pregnant. Damn this shit is annoying. Great way to gain attention Ashley, and super way to gain fans. Aces! You're so tricky. She's on the cover of Self Magaine, I think, in a bikini with a flat stomach. But that means nothing. That stuff was shot before she was. Now stop acting like a retard and just lie to us and say no until you puff up JLo-style like you've been chewing prednisone like it was Penz.

Yahoo's OMG poll today asked readers if they liked, and would wear, Heidi Montag's new clothing line. Seventy-three percent responded no. Watch Heidi on Regis and Kelly today and you'll understand why. I don't place much faith in the unwashed masses, but if almost 75% say they don't want to be like this then perhaps my faith is restored. On the other hand The Hills is number one on MTV, so I guess we're all fucked in the end.

Supermodel Diva-ass extraordinaire has a new trick up her sleeve. The Sun reports that Naomi Campbell spit on a police officer during an altercation at London's Heathrow airport.

Naomi first kicked off in BA's first class lounge after being told that one of her three bags had not made it onto the flight.

Despite apologies and assurances she would be reunited with her luggage, the temperamental supermodel flew into a rage.

They tried to calm the model down, but she is alleged to have reacted by spitting at an officer and then laying into him with her fists.

Frenzied Naomi was bought under control after a struggle and then physically hauled off the plane.

Wow. I'm pretty sure she's just moments on the evolutionary scale from morphing into a real life Predator and just devouring people whole. Which would actually be all kinds of awesome, because I've got a list specially for just that occasion. The 'When Movie Monsters Become Real to Do List". Top spot. Carrot Top. Pictures of Naomi in a bikini, well, just because.

The new Ashton Kutcher show Pop Fiction premiered last night and on the show it was revealed that Avril Lavigne is pregnant! I'm not sure how far alone, but she's clearly beginning to show. So maybe 5 months? I wonder what they'll name the little tyke. I guess since Ashton is a girl's name already they could name the baby after him regardless of whether it's a boy, or a girl.

Oh wait, I just realized I've been fooled. Damn that Ashton's so tricky. And thinking Avril Lavigne might have actually been pregnant turned my whole world upside down. How shocking! And retarded.

So it seems John Mayer has a couple of issues. Let's first start with the message he posted on his personal blog, here.

Dear Ex Lover,
Perhaps you didn't understand the last time I told you to stop contacting me, so I'll do my best to spell it out for you. I do not wish to have you in my life anymore. I don't know how much more clear I can be about it. It would serve you best to move on with your life and find someone who can put up with you, because I'm done trying.
I hope this is enough closure for you.
Goodbye.

So are we talking about Jessica Simpson? JLH? After seeing this schmo put on that Borat thong on his own cruise I can't imagine anyone is bothering to contact him. Never mind the endless gossip stories of him getting shot down by various chicks.

As for the jock itch, well that's just speculation, but it seems some random paparazzi decided John needed some curing and gave him a bottle Tinactin and some cream. Pretty funny. Hey maybe it's part of Ashton Kutcher's new show. The one where they try and punk the paparazzi and mass media in order to make fun of the general public for being so gullible. OK, it's on. Damn, have you heard? John Mayer has raging jock itch. Hah. (It seems like this one makes more fun of John Mayer than the public, but oh well, cool).

Photo: Wenn

Jane Fonda appeared on the Today show and casually dropped the word "cunt" in a conversation about the play The Vagina Monologues. I finally went to see the Vagine Monologues last year, and man, was I disappointed. Did you know it has nothing to do with a talking vagina onstage? I was shocked. They should probably change the title. Jane Fonda 'who lives in Georgia' and apparently hasn't seen a television, newspaper, the internet or carrier pigeon in at least five years had no idea there was such a thing as a play about cunts. Oh and apparently didn't realize you're not allowed (and it's not in good taste) to casually drop the word cunt on a national television morning program. Well, fuck go figure.

As if the sheer existence of Yoko Ono wasn't annoying enough, she's trying to put the hurt on a singer who she claims is tarnishing the reputation of her late husband, John Lennon. Singer Lennon Murphy has been using the name for eight years and despite the blessing if Julian Lennon, Yoko is suing her. Check out her suicide girls profile here.

View Lennon Murphy's video

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After a period of massive media backlash for what looked like a big publicity stunt, Dr. Phil McGraw has apologized for speaking about the time he spent 'counseling' Britney Spears after her meltdown.

"Was it helpful to the situation? Regrettably, no. It was not, and I have to acknowledge that and I do," the talk show host told his audience Thursday during taping of a Dr. Phil episode that will run Monday.

"I definitely think if I had it to do over again, I probably wouldn't make any statement at all. Period."

I love how everything's a question - Was it helpful? Hell no. I am a bobble-headed moron? Hell yes. But hey, it was Dr. Phil's wisdom and from these recent photos of Britney it looks like she's cured, right. Period, end of story. So what the bloody hell is she doing running around in mens clothes with holey fishnet stockings and no underwear looking like a crazed maniac?

Photo: Wenn | Source

Quentin Tarantino continues to baffle and annoy me. How anyone could be such a good film maker and such a complete dork ass in person is beyond me. He was recently quoted in OK magazine on Lindsay Lohan's acting abilities.

"[Lohan] is one of the best actresses in Hollywood." When asked if he'd ever cast Lindsay in a Kill Bill-type role, Tarantino said, "I could cast Lindsay in almost anything!"

Wow, well it's too bad Uma Thurman already played Lindsay's perfect role as a drunk addicted hot crazy chick in Pulp Fiction.

Photo: Wenn

Fed up with the fur wearing antics of the Olsen Twins PETA has taken aim by creating an Olsen Twins Parody web site. The Trollsen Twins get recreated with Mary Kate as Hairy-Kate and Ashley as Trashley. The site's pretty well done. I mean, just look at those illustrations, they're perfectly life like. You might save even flattering. Did they put a few pound on Mary Kate? You can even play 'Dress Up the Trollsen' with hand picked 'fatal fashion'. Just check out the awesome outfit I created for the banner pict. They've even got a Trollsen Twins t-shirt for their real fans to wear.

Janice Dickinson appeared on the TODAY show to help shed her wisdom on the Jennifer Love Hewitt fatty thighs story that's got everyone's panties in a bunch. If you recall Hewitt claimed she was a size 2 (ah ok) after a bunch of bikinis photos hit the web.

Dickinson told Al Roker that Love Hewitt "is a healthy, not emaciated woman." Then she added, "You want to see someone who's fat? I'm sorry, Tyra. Tyra Banks is fat."

Although Dickinson said she was "kidding," one person who is close to Banks' reality show, "America's Next Top Model," feels pretty certain that Dickinson is serious.

Comedy. That coming from a collagen-injected train wreck. Hey, if Jennifer Love Hewitt has her house filled with fun-house mirrors, so what. Here's a few pictures of fatty for you to decide yourself. Cast your vote below.

Photo: Wenn

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Amy Winehouse has been booed off the stage yet again, this time at London's Hammersmith Apollo. WENN reports Winhouse, "surprised the crowd by appearing onstage with smeared make-up and a cigarette hanging from her lips. Winehouse disappeared several times throughout the incoherent performance, before storming off-stage when the audience began to boo and heckle the singer halfway through her set."
At this point I'm pretty sure you could just get on stage and shake an empty bottle of Whiskey filled with loose change and cigarettes and end up with something more musical. And entertaining. More intelligent. Oh, and sexier. Yeah, that too. Here's a few pictures for the Apollo gig so you can see what you're missing.

Photo: Wenn

In case you don't already know the Writers Guild strike begins today. And I implore you to use any methods at your disposal - witchcraft, voodoo, Vulcan mind tricks, whatever - to end the strike. If you fail at this task your TIVO will soon be filled with programming just like this video of Tyra Banks talking about vaginas for an hour. Quickly find the closet bottle of Eye of Newt and get to work.

Paris Hilton's humanitarian trip to Rwanda has been postponed.

Due to the restructuring of the Playing for Good Foundation, the philanthropic trip to Rwanda that the foundation had previously planned with Paris Hilton has been postponed," the organization said Thursday in a statement.

It probably had more to do with the people of Rwanda Praying to God that she didn't come. I mean it's one thing to offer some humanitarian aid if you're Sean Penn and you've got yourself a dingy. But when all you've got to offer the youth of Rwanda is a silver spoon coated in Vodka, a bag of prescriptions for STD's and a general lack of social responsibility you're really better off just calling it a day and hitting the pool. Here's a few snaps of Paris with her boobs pushed up at the recent Spike event - so we all can remember what she is good at.

Photo: Wenn | People.com

Tom Cruise and David Beckham are such lovey pals that Tom is going help cheer Becks up after he finished the Galaxy's season by wasting their millions for not a single goal.

We will go out and fly some airplanes or race some cars or something like that. - Cruise told BBC Radio

Damn isn't that nice. A normal kind of guy might have bought his friend some beers and took him to a strip club or two, you know, helped him forget about his robotic wife. Not Tom. He's going to fly a couple planes. That's alright. I was so distraught that the Cardinals lost on Sunday my buddy and I flipped to see whether we'd invade France or Italy. Sorry, Frenchie, you're it.

Photo: Wenn.com

MTV's The Hills star Heidi Montag had her personal web site hacked. A phony message was posted further fueling fires about a long standing sex tape rumor.

A posting dated Oct. 16 and titled "The Truth" went live on Monday night, reading: "Me and Spencer did spread the false rumors about Lauren's sex tape."

The Hills star Lauren Conrad has long blamed Montag and her fiance Spencer Pratt for starting rumors about an alleged X-rated tape, which Conrad insists does not exist.

I've never seen The Hills, that show also has Joanie and Chachi on it right? The picture of Heidi and her taco is from a recent event sponsored by Taco Bell to help raise awareness and money for World Hunger Relief Week. A very admirable cause, and it's great to see Heidi networking with Taco Bells execs, because you know that 15 minute of MTV fame is only going to last so long. Actually about 15 minutes if you do the math.

Photo: Wenn.com | Source

I'm casting my vote for the next host of the Oscars. Danny Bonaduce. If he's even half as good of a host as he is an awards show guest then we've got entertainment. Bonaduce and Survivor's Jonny 'Fairplay' both attended last nights Fox Reality Network's award show. The night ended with a scuffle between the two of them on stage and Jonny Fairplay walked away bloody and missing teeth, leaving the show in an ambulance. It almost sounds too good to be true. Bonaduce says Fairplay attacked him and he was just defending himself. You can check out Danny explaining it here. Video of crybaby Fairplay in the ambulance as well.

Update: Now with video of Jonny Fairplay being dropped on his face on stage. Really, this eclipses all of levels of awesome I thought it might reach. It really looked like Fairplay was goofing around when he jumped on Bonaduce, but when Danny drops his on his face over his back it's, well, pure magic.

Photo: wenn.com

Another one for the WTF file. New York Knick's Stephon Marbury recently defended Michael Vick saying,

"You know, from what I hear, dogfighting is a sport. It's just behind closed doors".

The statement was made at an in-store appearance in Albany, N.Y. where Marbury was promoting his line of shoes. He also said,

"I think he's one of the superb athletes, and he's a good human being. I just think that he fell into a bad situation."

"Good human being? Fell into a bad situation?" Dude, what? If it's such a sport how about we let Stephon Marbury compete in it. A little on-court, one-on-one, where the loser dies. Oh, and just for fun, we'll bet on who gets killed. Yeah, that's a pretty cool sport.

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Lily Allen has reportedly turned herself into British authorities over an alleged assault on paparazzi photographers. She reportedly did some kick and swinging and may have connect with a photogs nose. I've always used by black belt karate moves and never had a problem. But maybe Lily Allen threw those hips into it. This picture is from a while back, and even then it doesn't look like Lily understands the concept of having her picture taken. I'm pretty sure that grabbing onto the photographers equipment somehow hinders the process.

Photo: Wenn.com

Jamie Lee Curtis is speaking up about the Paris Hilton jail debacle. She spoke to People.com about raising kids and the differences between her generation and that of the Hilton's brood. She says:

today's celebs are lacking guidance: "The sad paths of the three most popular young women" – Hilton and, presumably, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears – "have ended in prison, rehab and mental illness. I hope their mothers are worried sick and wondering, 'What could I have done differently?' And our culture should be asking the same question too."

What they could have done better was have Paris raised by a troop of circus performers. Oh, she still would have been out there making sex tapes and giving blowjobs, but she would have had the added skill of superhuman flexibility and knife juggling - that would have made all the difference. The picture above of mommy Kathy Hilton on her way to get preferential treatment at her visit to see daughter jailbird.

Photo: wenn.com | Source

Fans of Adam Corolla's radio show know that Danny Bonaduce is getting divorced. While these pictures of his bachelor party might have you thinking he's getting married again, he's not. Instead he's simply celebrating being a bachelor again - as he should with a stripper and a lap dance or too.

I posted at the beginning of the year on how much I thought Danny Bonaduce sucked and ruined Adam Corolla's radio show. But like an STD on Paris Hilton, he grows on you. So I'll man up and admit the show actually kind of works now. Teresa is still an incredible mess, and Bonaduce is certifiably crazy with a voice like nails on a chalkboard, but somehow his insane ramblings and crazy past make for a funny morning. So there.

Photo: Wenn.com

Dr. Marten shoes has unveiled a new series of ads running the UK that feature dead rock musicians wearing their boots. In one of the ads Kurt Cobain is seen wearing a robe and sitting on a cload wearing the Dr. Marten boots. The "Dr. Martens are forever" campaign also featurs Sid Vicious and Joey Ramone among others. As you can guess Courtney Love isn't any too pleased:

"It does appear that in the UK what Dr. Martens has done is allowed," says Love's rep. "Courtney did not, and would not, approve of such a use of Kurt's name and likeness."

It's nice to see ad execs properly pilage the image of the dead. Perhaps this finally paves the way for my idea of having John Holmes sells Viagra.
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Some pictures from the Coachella Music Festival. In particular Courtney Love looking like she might have devolved into some other life form. I can't tell exactly what it is she's drinking, but it looks like a coconut full of bong water. On the plus side her stomach is covered. Cameron Diaz and the proverbial Hilton Stewart Lohan trifecta as well.

Photo: Photorazzi.com

Rosie O'Donnell has reportedly quit the View. Seems to make sense to me considering I never thought really obnoxious annoying unfunny people made for good ratings. I just hope it doesn't mean the end of Donald Trump's weekly Rosie Bashing soundbits. Those things can really uplift your spirits, then again so can these.

Photo: Photorazzi.com

Usually when celebrities attend charity events the goal is to try and raise money for the charity. Someone should have explained that to Eddie Griffin before he crashed a $1 million dollar Ferrari Enzo into a wall at a charity event. I'm not saying that Eddie Griffin is a bad driver, but clearly he's not capable of handling a Ferrari Enzo, at least not as well as me. If the pictures of the million dollar junk heap aren't enough, here's the video of the crash.

Photo: Photorazzi.com

As further proof that Janice Dickinson is the most annoying women on the planet (well, right behind Tyra Banks), she caused problems at the Ed Hardy fashion show. TMZ reports:

According to inside sources, Janice Dickinson refused to sit in the seat assigned to her -- claiming she wasn't close enough to the media -- and instead sat in seats assigned to Fern Mallis, lead organizer of Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week, and Davis Factor, co-creator of Smashbox Studio. Though she was heard yelling, "I'm not moving for anyone, I don't care who it is," she switched seats after being reprimanded by Factor himself.

I'm sure the poor guy with her knee his crotch wishes she'd shut the hell up and finish the job. The video at TMZ is amusing considering she bashes the designer's show she's attending. That's always a good move.
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In what can only be described as Herculean strength, Ashley Oslen was spotted carry a paper bag AND a Venti coffee. Not only spotted, but photographed - captured in the incredible act. That's two hands folks, and what could possibly amount to 12-14 ounces of weight. No word yet on any injuries Ashley might have sustained or if any doping was involved. Also no word on where the missing button is that might have otherwise covered her bra. Or for that matter why she's even wearing one.

You've got to seriously question what constitutes a celebrity these days. TV cooking show hosts get wax statues in Madame Tussauds? What. No really. It might sound like an honor fo Rachel to get her wax statue, but consider you're in the company of Britney Spears, who's wax statue features her humping a pole.

Photo: Photorazzi.com

For the love of God will Quentin Tarantino start speaking like a middle-aged white man. Oh this guy is so annoying. Could you please scream the names of nominees at the top of your lungs and try to sound a little ghetto, and um, mix that with a little Oprah speak. Yeah, that'd be cool. The guy is a killer director, not doubt. But I can't stand to listen to him speak out loud.

Photo: Photorazzi.com

I know I'm a day late jumping on this bandwagon, because everyone else has already posted on it, but it's a bandwagon worth jumping on. Rush Limbaugh is a big asshole. If you're living under a rock, or don't care about finding cures for shitty diseases then get up to date with this People article. Rush claims that Michael J. Fox is allowing his illness to be exploited. Well isn't that the fucking point, bitch. Fox has the ability to raise countless dollars to help find a cure for Parkinson's Disease. He;s probably has more monitary impact on Parkinson's research than any single individual in history. Limbaugh should shut his giant head and go back to sucking down oxycontin and sniffing Bush's ass.