Locked and Loaded

Monday, May 12, 2008
Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz
Looks like Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz are getting married next weekend. US Magazine reports that a 'top secret' wedding is to take place on May 17. 'Top secret' being code for a shotgun trip down the aisle before Ashlee starts shopping in the maternity section.
Ashlee Simpson and Pete WentzAshlee Simpson and Pete WentzAshlee Simpson and Pete Wentz

Photo: Wenn

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Ashlee Simspon is Coy, Retarded

Friday, April 18, 2008
Ashlee Simpson
Ashlee Simpson is playing coy about rumors she's pregnant. Appearing on the Today show to ah, promote her ring? Simpson avoided answer the question of whether or not she was pregnant, instead being funny and saying she was giving birth to a new album. It's one thing to avoid answering the pregnancy rumors when you're Angelina Jolie - after all she's busy saving orphans and whole countries in Africa. But when you're Jessica Simpson's sister you should just fess up and enjoy the attention, because no one's going to care otherwise.

Ashlee SimpsonAshlee SimpsonAshlee Simpson

Photo: Wenn

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Shotgun Wedding

Monday, April 14, 2008
Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz
Last week Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz announced they were getting married. Now US Magazine reports that Simpson is Pregnant. One thing is certain, any baby of Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz is going to have character. A lot of character. And by character, I mean the largest chin in the history of recorded time kind of character.

Photo: Wenn.com

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Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz Go Places

Friday, April 13, 2007
Pete WentzAshlee Simpson is Going Places
Ashlee Simspon and Pete Wentz where spotted leaving the Ritz Carlton Hotel in New York at separate times. Ashlee and Pete have denied they are a couple. Perhaps they are being tracked by Soviet spys and have to deparate at different times, you know, with synchronized watches and shit, but I'm not buying it. It's like peanut butter and jelly. You put those two together you have a sandwich, no two ways about it. I'm not sure what that has to do with Ashlee and Pete being a couple, but I sure am hungry.

Ashlee SimpsonPete Wentz

Photo: Wenn

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Ashlee Simpson Short Shorts

Friday, March 16, 2007
Ashlee Simpson Legs
Ashlee Simpson gets plenty of bad press. The lip syncing. Riding Jessica's coat tails, climbing on McDonald's counters drunk, not being able to sing, the big chin - I could go on. And while she might not have Jessica's boobs, she knows how to wear denim shorts.
Ashlee Simpson LegsAshlee Simpson ShortsAshlee Simpson Legs

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Ashlee Simpson Let's it all Hang Out

Thursday, July 20, 2006
Ashlee Simpsons Tongue
Ashlee Simspon recently performed at the Victoria Secret pyjama party. And despite the potential for the hotness which is associated with anything Victoria Secret we have we end up with this photo of Ashlee Simpson sticking her tongue out and sweating like a pig. Actually this look is a good one for a hot chick, provided she's wearing Victoria Secret Lingerie and isn't sweating like she just ran the 40.

Source.

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Ashlee Simpson Won't Do Playboy

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Ashlee Simspon received an offer - at fat offer - to do Playboy. TMZ reports that she was offered $4 Million to show some Simpson boobies. Can Ashlee Simpson really make $4 Mil lip syncing? I'd drop that top and grab Playboy's cash if I had her mad skills. And after getting a nose job Ashlee Simpson started looking more and more like Jessica. Watch her new video and see you if you don't think so. I really think we need the Playboy combo, Jessica and Ashlee.

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Ashlee Simpson Lies About Her Nose

Thursday, May 11, 2006
Ashee Simpson's Nose Job
Ashlee Simpson is playing coy over reports that she got a nose job. "Everybody's already saying it, so I just don't talk about it," says Ashlee. Yeah, everyone's talking about it because if you look at the picture you'll see that a one-eyed village idiot could figure it out while masturbating to your sisters breasts. Just fess up already you idiot. You think anyone really cares. We're really all just killing time until Jessica does Playboy. Source.

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The Crunchiest Hairy Links

Monday, May 08, 2006

Tom Cruise Wears Heels
Now stop saying he\'s gay.

Ashlee Simpson's New Nose
Simpson\'s got a new nozzle.

Katie Holmes Slips
A nursing bra that is.

Salma Hayek Makes the Top 10
Bastardly's run down of the hottest chicks.

Britney Spears Looks Priceless
Not.

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Wilmer Valderrama on Howard Stern

Monday, March 27, 2006
Wilmer Valderrama fucks everyoneLet me sum up Wilmer Valderrama's appearance on Howard Stern - if she's a celebrity with a pussy, I fucked her. Wow. This dude gets the action. Wilmer Valderrama, who is on That 70's Show, was on Howard Stern's Sirius program this morning and detailed the many celebrity hotties he's banged. Wilmer did Lindsay Lohan. And Wilmer banged Mandy Moore - and took Mandy Moore's virginity!? And Wilmer F'ed Ashlee Simpson. Damn dude. Just proof to all the geeks of the world that you can still get serious pussy with a crappy name like Wilmer.

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Fake Ashlee Simpson Sex Tape

Tuesday, January 10, 2006
I'll admit I didn't know there was a buzz for this until I saw it in our logs. But apparently there is a fake Ashlee Simpson sex tape floating around. I know it's a fake because I shot the tape, and let me tell you, the chick wasn't Ashlee Simpson. It was Jessica. Just kidding. I've seen photos of the sex tape though and it's definitely not Ashlee. Maybe next time.

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Ashlee Simpson Hospitalized After Collapse

Friday, December 16, 2005
Ashlee Simpson was check into a hospital in Japan after collapsing in an elevator. I'll save the endless jokes about going down for her fish lipped sister. Our prayers are with Ashlee for a speedy recovering and an emergency room switch up. We can only hope that some saki riddled Japanese doctor mistakenly removes her vocal cords while she recovers. Ashlee's already got her album done and just lip syncs anyway so there isn't much use for them. Oh, aside from screaming at McDonald's employees like a drunk monkey. Collapsing on stage would have been a lot more dramatic. Ashlee Simpson still needs to learn to play it up better.

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Video of Ashlee Simpson Drunk at McDonalds

Friday, November 04, 2005
You really have to love to bash the Simpson sisters. Sometimes they just ask for it. A video of Ashlee Simpson drunk at a McDonalds in Toronto is the latest idiocy making the rounds. Ashlee crawls on the counter like a chimp and is rude to both the employees and the customers. A customer asked Ashlee Simpson for an autograph and was met by a request to kiss her feet and then a nice F- You. Lovely. But I'll admit seeing video footage of Ashlee Simpson at a McDonlads, drunk in the middle of the night can really make your morning. That and a gallon of Starbucks coffee has motivated me into a better person. Let's admit, we all tie one on once in a while, but being the star as I am I know I can't sit drunk on a McDonald's counter and get away with it. Ashlee should know, you've got to save that stuff for Taco Bell where the customer's are already too drunk themselves to film you asking like an ass.

Click here to watch the video of Ashlee Simpson drunk at a McDonalds at College Humor

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Ashlee Simpson's Birthday Party in Vegas

Monday, October 03, 2005
I went! Can you believe it. And no one there seemed to mind that I got drunk and threw up on a craps table. But that kind of ended the evening rather quickly. No No. Just kidding. I had far better things to do than attend Ashlee Simpsons 21st birthday party. I was really busy doing her sister. Damn, Ok, Lie again. What's got into me? I really did know someone that threw up on a craps table though. Anyway. I just needed a mind numbing post and photos of Ashlee Simpson's brithday party to fill in the gaps, but alas I've come up empty on the photo part. So really I haven't got much. Bummer again. As stupid as this post about Simpson's party is it's still smarter than a room full of Simpson's.

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Ashlee Simpson's Blond Hair Looks Better

Monday, August 22, 2005
Ashlee Simpson's sporting a new hair color. Last week she appeared on Jay Leno and she was surprisingly not that annoying and also had a new blond mop. I cast my vote for blond hair for Ashlee. Looks better than the dark hair. The problem still remains that she looks like Godzilla next to her sister Jessica. And Ashlee's missing Jessica's daisy dukes. Ashlee was also seen sporting a tattoo at the recent teen something-erather awards. Doesn't really help though. And neither does the singing.

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Ashlee Simpson's Tattoo

Monday, August 15, 2005
Ashlee Simpson took the fresh face award at this years Teen Choice Awards. I can only assume the fresh face award has little to do with talent? Have to look that one up. Maybe it has something to do with people being tired of her sister's face. Not sure.

Also revealed at the awards was Ashlee Simpson's tattoo. The tattoo on her wrist is in honor of her number one album/ What? Can someone explain this to me. Why would Simpson get a tattoo that has anything to do with her singing? Not enough praise from her parents. Is pops to busy promoting the Simpson duo to lavish a little attention. Ashless Simpson's tattoo should have been something cool. LIke a pirate. Or maybe a three legged Chihuahua. That would have got people talking. They ask be about mine all the time.

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Ashlee Simpson's New Lip Synch Songs

Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Ashlee Simpson has reportedly been writing songs about her Saturday Night Live lip synch scandel. I find this quite ironic - a singer who can't sing is writing songs about the fact that she can't sing. Does anyone else see the humor in that. Her manager / father Joe Simpson told MTV:

"You know she was riding really high for a minute and indestructible. In one second, her world came apart, and you know there were moments when we didn't know if she was going to be able to pull it out. But she got up, and she went out, she toured, and she's a real star."

A "real star" - ah OK. Ashlee and Jessica Simpson's father freaks me out. I thought the dude was supposed to be a minister. I don't think I've ever met a minister that pimps his daughters careers quite as much as that guy. Seems odd to me. I can see some Jackson like family issues coming out in about 15 years. Ashlee Simpson's CD Another Life is due out October 18 - lip synch songs and all.

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