The Glamour Women of the Year Awards were held in London yesterday and Lily Allen helped to define exactly what the award means. The DailyMail reports that Lily threw a few too many back and had to be carried out of the award show and dropped into a waiting car. The best part of it all she tried to cover her face with the 'Glamour' Award itself. Better yet it looks like it took four guys to get her over the fence with out skewering her. Kate Beckinsale also picked up an award and demonstrated what glamor really means by being smoking hot.

A video of Lindsay Lohan chugging a bottle of champagne on New Year's Eve has everyone wondering if she's relapsed. The video which first appeared on TMZ shows Lindsay carrying around a bottle of champagne and drinking right from it. Lindsay's rep responded to People:

"After being handed a champagne bottle while on a dance floor in Italy on New Year's Eve and drinking from it, the good news is that Lindsay stopped herself, called her sponsor, and got herself back on track," her lawyer, Blair Berk, tells PEOPLE. "There is no magic cure here. The most unfortunate part of this is that Lindsay has to share her 'one day at a time' with the entire world."

Yes, she has to share her 'one day at a time' with the entire world and her body with all of Italy. At this point I'm wondering if the only way to keep Lindsay from falling off the wagon is to dress the wagon up like a giant penis.

Mickey Rourke has been arrested on suspicion of DUI in Miami Beach. According to the police report he was spotted weaving from lane to lane on his Vespa. When pulled over he reportedly had bloodshot eyes and slurred speech, along with 'a strong odor of alcoholic beverage on his breath.' Mickey's response to the office was "What the fuck did I do". I think he played it all wrong. Mickey Rourke looks like he's had so much plastic surgery I'm pretty sure he could spin that into an excuse for just about anything. Bloodshot eyes - "But officer my eye's don't actually shut anymore". Slurred speech - "Hey man, I'm just getting used to my new veneers". Spells of alcohol - "Man, I banged Lisa Bonet in Angel Heart". I'm not sure that last one would really help, but he might as well throw it in.

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Lindsay Lohan was arrested last night on suspicion of DUI. AGAIN! TMZ reports she was arrested in Santa Monica after police received a call of a vehicle being chased. Turns out Lindsay was doing the chasing. Police report that Lindsay was chasing her assistant who had quit just hours earlier. Cocaine was also reportedly found on Lindsay Lohan.

Man, this girl is something. I mean, the dedication. Less than two weeks our of rehab she falls off the wagon and gets a DUI. Impressive. I think the only way you're going to stop her now is to re-wire her ankle bracelet to electrocute her into unconsciousness. Of course seeing as Lindsay might get to do some jail time like Paris Hilton she'll probably be able to ditch the anklet. Hell, who was checking it anyway.

John Stamos appeared on an Australia talk show acting like he was drunk. Hard to tell if he was really drunk, or jet lagged, or just crazy. There's a longer version of the video out there, but it's all build up to the silliness in this clip. It's amusing and bizarre behavior for a tv show, sure, but it clearly demonstrates why 9 of 10 women find me sexier than John Stamos.

Man another one for the Hasselhoff Awesome file. David Hasselhoff reportedly asked to be video taped drunk. And man is he ever. He's kind of primate like trying to eat a hamburger off the floor while being berated with threats of being fired.
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The Rosie O'Donnell Asian mocking Danny Devito drunk on the view spat is blowing up nicely. (man that's a nice sentence). People has a quote from Rosie doing her 'Chinese' imitation:

"The fact is that it's news all over the world. That you know, you can imagine in China it's like: 'Ching chong. Danny DeVito, ching chong, chong, chong, chong. Drunk. The View. Ching chong.'"

The group UNITY: Journalists of Color issued this statement:

"By allowing O'Donnell's cheap jab at Chinese Americans to go unchecked, the network is essentially condoning racial and ethnic slurs. It's a practice that should not be tolerated in today's diverse society. That's our view."

So it would appear that Rosie has nearly completed her path of world distruction by offending another Billion plus people. You can find the video clip on YouTube. But really why bother. And I posted this photo of an old refrigerator instead of Rosie O'Donnell just to demonstrate that clearly an old frig in the alley behind my house is more fun to look at than a picture of Rosie O'Donnell.

The chronicles of the little drunk man continue. Danny Devito's drunk appearance on The View was good comedy. Even funnier now to hear that his drinking buddy was George Clooney. It's so hard to picture those two drinking together so I've been trying to come up with an analogy for a guy who was the voted world's sexiest man that goes drinking with a half-pint tree hobbit. Oh, I got it, it'd be like if George Clooney when out and got shit faced with Danny Devito.
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So LonelyGirl15 is fake. I know I'm behind on this story, but I've been busy, what can I say. I actually had never seen the LonelyGirl15 YouTube video's until this story broke - I guess because I'm not a 15 year old angst ridden girl. Apparently Bree is really Jessica Rose, and she's not 15. Jessica Rose is a twenty something graduate of the New York Film Academy. Honestly, after seeing the YouTube clips I don't how so many people fell for it. I've seen my share of YouTube videos and they all look like they're are shot by people who were either drunk, or massive doses of caffeine or stoned, and thought a nightlight was an acceptable form of lightening. They look like crap, yet mysteriously many of Lonely Girl 15's videos didn't. Hum. Can you say production value. Just a little to slick to pass it off. Nice try.
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The hits just keep on coming for Mel Gibson. TMZ.com creator Harvey Levin appeared on the Adam Corolla show this morning and reported that in addition to the camera phone video of Mel drunk at a bar previous to the DUI arrest, there is also video after his arret. The Malibu police department was reportedly recording audio of Mel Gibson in the back of the police car. He was said to be so belligerent that a video camera was brought out at the station house to record Mel's arrival. The biggest tradegy in all of this (aside from offending an entire race, religion and half the free world) is we're not likely to see another Lethal Weapon 5 anytime soon.

Entertainment Tonight, the source of all things evil, had 'breaking news' tonight. A national radio station conducted a poll of listeners and 50% believed that the day Angelina Jolie gives birth should become a national holiday in Namibia. (or some such crap, the story was so ridiculous I'm hazy on the details, but it did air). All I know is that this is definitive proof that half the population is completely stupid, or drunk, or high. Now if you'd say the holiday should be called Angelina Jolie's hot-ass-MILF day, then I could get behind that, or on top, whatever she prefers.

File this one under People are stupid, Angelina Jolie is hot..

Ashlee Simpson was check into a hospital in Japan after collapsing in an elevator. I'll save the endless jokes about going down for her fish lipped sister. Our prayers are with Ashlee for a speedy recovering and an emergency room switch up. We can only hope that some saki riddled Japanese doctor mistakenly removes her vocal cords while she recovers. Ashlee's already got her album done and just lip syncs anyway so there isn't much use for them. Oh, aside from screaming at McDonald's employees like a drunk monkey. Collapsing on stage would have been a lot more dramatic. Ashlee Simpson still needs to learn to play it up better.

File under Ashlee Simpson Collapses.

I'm behind on all this crap so I've got to do an all-inclusive super-post. Hold on. Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck had a baby girl named Violet. Jennifer Ganer was induced and gave birth Wednesday? I think it was. My memory is as cloudy as the smokey fog around Ben's paid Starbuck's guzzling head. The bigger baby gossip I read is that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are reportedly having a boy. Apparently Tom peered into Katie's stomach with his Scientology trained ultrasound skills. I give this one a 50/50 chance on being correct - Tom's skills (of any kind) and the sex of Tom and Katie's baby.

Front page of todays paper has Vince Vaughn being pulled over in Scottsdale, AZ for a driving 'violation' and also almost drunk. Apparently not quite legally drunk but enough for the officer to warn Vaughn not to drive anymore. Big Deal. There are some pathetic photos of Jessica Simpson looking like someone either punched her chicken of the sea lips or she got herself some collagen. That or some fun gone wrong with a belt sander.

You really have to love to bash the Simpson sisters. Sometimes they just ask for it. A video of Ashlee Simpson drunk at a McDonalds in Toronto is the latest idiocy making the rounds. Ashlee crawls on the counter like a chimp and is rude to both the employees and the customers. A customer asked Ashlee Simpson for an autograph and was met by a request to kiss her feet and then a nice F- You. Lovely. But I'll admit seeing video footage of Ashlee Simpson at a McDonlads, drunk in the middle of the night can really make your morning. That and a gallon of Starbucks coffee has motivated me into a better person. Let's admit, we all tie one on once in a while, but being the star as I am I know I can't sit drunk on a McDonald's counter and get away with it. Ashlee should know, you've got to save that stuff for Taco Bell where the customer's are already too drunk themselves to film you asking like an ass.

Click here to watch the video of Ashlee Simpson drunk at a McDonalds at College Humor

File under Ashlee Simpson Drunk Video, Ashlee Simpson McDonald's Video.

I went! Can you believe it. And no one there seemed to mind that I got drunk and threw up on a craps table. But that kind of ended the evening rather quickly. No No. Just kidding. I had far better things to do than attend Ashlee Simpsons 21st birthday party. I was really busy doing her sister. Damn, Ok, Lie again. What's got into me? I really did know someone that threw up on a craps table though. Anyway. I just needed a mind numbing post and photos of Ashlee Simpson's brithday party to fill in the gaps, but alas I've come up empty on the photo part. So really I haven't got much. Bummer again. As stupid as this post about Simpson's party is it's still smarter than a room full of Simpson's.

File under Ashlee Simpson.

The countless photos on Tara Reid appearing to be drunk out of her mind account for Reid's lose of dignity - just an fyi there. But now it seems Tara has lost her 'designer' handbag. Her handbag was stolen at an airport in the Spanish isle of Ibiza. Really not much of a story except for the fact that it contained a reported $180,000 in jewelry. I just have to make a small recommendation - and this is not aimed directly at Tara of course (wink wink) - if you plan on going out and getting shit-faced in front of the world night after night, you just might not want to try and carry around a hundred G in your purse. I once had a wallet stolen - and let me tell you - it had everything to do with laying in a pool of vomit.

File under Tara Reid.

Son of noted TV psychologist Dr. Phil McGraw, Jay McGraw is reportedly engaged to Playboy playmate Erica Dahm. A triplet playmate nonetheless. Which means three times the fun for Jay. Just think of the possibilities. If you were really drunk and slept with your wive's sister, or TWO of them, you'd have the perfect excuse. "Honey you're a triplet, I couldn't tell you apart". It's a win, win, win situation. (Get it triplets). Nude photos of Erica Dahm and her two sisters appeared in the December 1998 edition of Playboy. Bust out the archives! The fact that Dr. Phil's son is engaged to a playboy playmate somehow seems dysfunctional, although, seriously it shouldn't, but it does, and therefore the irony.

File under Erica Dahm, Jay McGraw

E! online is running a special version of the popular show Wild On. The 13 show spin off called Taradise features Tara Reid frantically parting her fake tits off around the globe. If you're fans of Tara's and hit the web you'll find an absolutely staggering number of pictures of Tara Reid drunk - or at least she appears to be - right off her ass. I can think of no other logical explanation to describe the Reid photos I've seen (my opinion of course). What the hell is with this girl? First she flops out a tit on the red carpet and doesn't even realize it. That also lacks an explanation - though I don't think anyone really care's why or how - just that it happened. And now she's seems to be three sheets to the wind just about everywhere you look. Here are additional photos of Tara Reid and the disappearing Nicole Richie.

File under Tara Reid Taradise.

The latest Hilton saga is that there is a Paris Hilton lookalike running around. Paris' lookalike has reportedly tried to use her likeness to get her VIP treatment here and there and is even carrying a small retarted dog like the real Paris carries. Paris Hilton's publicist has said the star is "concerned" about the lookalike.

You know, if I was were Paris Hilton I'd be happy as a pig in shit that I had a lookalike running around. Basically it means that she could continue to do all of the stupid idiotic crap that Paris does and just blame it on the lookalike. That would be awesome. Like showing your tits to all of Europe on live TV - nope that wasnt me, it was my lookalike. Just think of all the horrible headlines you could avoid - "Paris Hilton cheats on fiancee Paris Latsis" - nope that was my clone. See it's perfect. Paris could get drunk and sleep with the ugliest dude on the planet and then just blame it on the clone. Even better would be if the Paris Hilton lookalike was a good person. Then the real Paris could take credit. You can just see the headlines - Paris Hilton helps the orphans - or Paris Hilton give a sponge bath to a homeless man. Enjoy it while it lasts Paris.