This one was so obvious it's not even funny. Jessica "Iron Jaw" Simpson lathered up and shaved for the cover of Esquire. Jessica Simpson reminds me of the episode of Seinfeld where his girlfriend looked like a monster in the wrong light. Let's face it, that rack is insane and getting all wet is all the better. But. That jaw could do 10 rounds in any ring and not show a scratch. What do you think? Too manly? Vote below.

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The Dallas Cowboys were upset yesterday by the Eagles. The Eagles! And I'll give you two D-sized reason reasons why. Tony Romo's new girlfriend Jessica Simpson was in the stands to watch him play. And what do you know, Tony Romo has the worst game of his career. Coincidence? I think not! Just goes to show that you can't play football with a raging hard-on. Unless Dallas wants to ruin an otherwise good season the temptress Simpson had better watch from home.

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So it would seem Jessica Simpson is dating Tony Romo. Yahoo reports that Tony spent Thanksgiving at the Simpson household (on Friday) after beating the Jets. I'll admit it's about a 1000 times better than getting a lap dance from Britney Spears, but you've got to be concerned about what kind of affect Iron Jaw could have on Romo's performance on field. Let's hope a week in the sack with Simpson doesn't turn Dallas into the Dolphins next week for Greenbay.

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Jessica Simpson attended the 11th Annual Ace Award Gala (no idea) and nearly fell on her ass walking in the place. All in all sounds about right. She didn't actually fall over, but I'm sure that Iron Jaw could taken it no problem. She probably would have dented the sidewalk, but credit for looking good otherwise. That whole walking upright thing is way overrated anyway.

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Jessica 'Iron Jaw' Simpson attended a Bravo TV event for the show Tim Gunn's Guide to Style. Jessica's turned into a perplexing dichotomy between man and women. On the one hand you've got boobs like this and on the other you've got a jaw that could easily stand up to a Tyson punch. It's quite baffling really. Just look at Jessica struggling to come up with an answer. Think Jesse, think.

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Jessica Simpsons upcoming film Blonde Ambition sounds like it will suck. The NY Daily News quotes sources as saying "her manager dad has pushed back the release date twice because the movie is no good.".

They quote another source as saying "Jessica was not very focused on-set and flubbed her lines often. She always had her dog around, was on the phone with [then-] boyfriend John Mayer or was sitting in a warmed-up SUV".

And that's to say nothing of the hours she probably had to spend in make up to keep her from looking like a man. If they were filming from the neck down they probably could have saved, I don't know, millions, in makeup and prosthetic chins. They also could have just done away with the wardrobe department and filmed her naked, but nobody ever listens to my ideas. Now go ahead and try and sell your movie. Hah.

Photo: Wenn.com | Source

John Mayer and Jessica Simpson have announced they have split up. But they might get back together.

"They have broken up," says the source. "But they have broken up and gotten back together at least ten times before."

According to the source, the pair are in constant contact – even as Simpson promotes her new film Major Movie Star at the Cannes Film Festival in France.

10 times. Are you kidding me? And they 'might' get back together. This story makes less sense then that one I heard about Jessica Simpson actually being a real women.

Photo: Photorazzi.com | Source

She's almost a man baby. Wow. I know it's back-to-back Jessica Simpson posts (yesterday boobs at large), but holy cow. Click on the picture for the full length shot to take in those linebacker shoulders and that fighters jaw. The ill-fitting dress with Jessica's boob hanging out the side is a great look to. She just can't stop flaunting those things.

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Jessica Simpson and her infamous rack hosted a second anniversary event at the Pussycat Lounge in Vegas. Both Simpson hair and skin looks like she's spent a little too much time in the Easy Bake. I think Jessica Simpson's giant boobs are a well designed ploy to take away attention from that giant man chin. I have to stare really hard to her jugs not to notice that chin and those racoon eyes. But I'm not sure it's really working. Hold on while I stare some more.

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Jessica Simpson's new hair color is awesome, well, if you like Orangutans. I believe they call that shade of brown Orange.

Jessica Simpson is dropping out of the Kennedy Center Honors, asking that her horrible rendition of Dolly Parton's Nine to Five not be aired as part of the program. If you recall Jessica forgot the lyrics while singing the tribute to Dolly. This quote from Dolly Parton really sums things up:

Jessica is so talented that I'm sure that someday they will be paying tribute to her and I would be honored to perform for her. But I'll probably be so nervous that I'll forget my wig!

Dolly Parton wears a wig, what? Next they're going to tell us that Jessica Simpson can't actually sing. Oh, wait, OK both of those are true. Hmm. Now what.

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Perhaps next time Jessica might consider lip syncing like Ashlee because it seems she can't quite remember song lyrics. Jessica Simpson forgot the lyrics to Dolly Parton's Song "Nine to Five" while performing with carrie Underwood. Jessica apparently left the stage and was in tears. I've always thought the lyrics to Nine to Five were pretty easy to remember. When someone with breasts as large as Dolly Parton's sings, you general pause and take note. At least until you finish undressing them with your eyes. But I can see why Jessica Simpson might have forget the lyrics, after all the word "Working" does go right before the Nine to Five part. Oh and in case you're wondering, I doubt this picture of Jessica Simpson is from the Kennedy Center perfomance, but if it is - way to go.

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If you ever need proof that there is a God, I submit to you this picture of Jessica Simpson, who has thankfully, finally, lost her voice. If you stare at the expression on her face long enought she either starts to look like a twisted blowup doll or a monkey - I can't decide which.

Here a recent shot of Jessica Simpson taking the girls our for dinner. Jessica's see through blue dress proves once again she's got the upper hand on the family assets verses Ashlee. I've got to throw the flag on that lipstick though. I wouldn't put that on my blow up doll. And I'm recommending a hair brushing regime as well.

Jessica Simspon appeared on MTV's TRL show yesterday to plug her new video Public Affair. The video features other celebrity hotness including Eva Longoria, Christina Applegate and Christina Millan in addition to Simpson famous cans. If it weren't for fact that Public Affair is a 'music' video it might like it'd be awesome. Just imagine for a minute that those chicks were the cast of a celebrity sex tape, not a video featuring crapp music. We can all dream. Here's a nice Simspon side boob shot from the MTV appearance.

People reports that Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey's divorce is final. With that behind us we can now move on to more important things like figuring out just who is the chicken of the sea and how many strippers Nick Lachey can nail in one week. My guess is that he can't beat my record, but I'll spot him a few because he's not as good looking.

Jessica Simpson (and her breasts) appear on the cover of July's Maxim magazine. Superb. I'm assuming it's a detailed pictorial, because God knows she's got nothing to say worth reading. The best part of Jessica's Maxim cover is the starburst on her left shoulder (your right) that says "The World's Most Horrifying Pets!". That's a pretty fair description I'd say.

Jessica Simpson got a new hair cut. And new hair color. I'd say Jessica Simpson as a red head sucks, but clearly from this photo where she's being felt up it seems to be working for her already. Now if only Jessica's hair color could make her smarter, or sing better, or use less oxygen. Ya know, something to add more value to the world.