That's the face of one happy guy. It's been confirmed that Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey got married. While early reports said that there was no prenup (which promoted this post in the first place), I now read on the Post that Mariah and Nick git "a quickie pre-nup". WTF does that mean? For Nick's sake I hope it meant that it came with a cheeseburger and fries and was written by a high school kid at a drive through window who calls himself 'The Judge'. If you're up for a ride on the Mimi crazy train you'd better have a good exit plan. Listening to Flipper while drinking Cristal out a slipper is going to get old at some point.

Mariah Carey hit Tao nightclub to bring in the New Year. We figured Mariah and her cleavage would make a good post to help you get back to work. You know, something mindless, probably fake, and completely un-newsworthy to start the year off right and waste more bandwidth out of your day and your bosses pocket.

I was a little worried when we last spotted Mariah Carey selling stamps, but I thought hey, whatever gets you by, right? But this? She's standing on a street corner. I'm pretty sure I've seen this kind of thing on Cops before. Any second now the fuzz are going to rush in and pick her up only to discover - she's a man, baby.

Mariah Carey walked the red carpet at the VH1's Save The Music Foundation 10 Year Anniversary Gala at Lincoln Center in New York. I thought she might have just thrown herself off a bridge after having to unveil a jury duty stamp, but good to see she's persevered. Clearly she's a big fat DIVA though. I'm no NASA scientist, but I'm pretty sure it's damn near impossible to actual walk in this mermaid dress, which means someone is carrying her ass around. Of course being carried around by a team of naked supermodels is pretty much my plan once I have a boat load of cash, so I guess I shouldn't talk.

Britney Spears VMA perfomance may have been a flop, and her singing career may look pretty bad, but at least she's not unveiling stamps. Mariah Carey took the stage to unveil the Jury Duty Social Awareness Stamp. Holy crap are you kidding. I mean it's not even a cool stamp. I might give her a pass if it was a commemorative Playboy stamp or Elvis, but Jury Duty? Two more picts of Mariah and the girls after the jump.

 

Is it just me or is Mariah Carey really into her tits. Oh, wait that could be me, though not limited to Mariah, cause she's an idiot really. But everywhere I look there is Mariah with shirt open to her belly button with her cleavage on view. In truth I'm hoping she starts a trend. Anyway, so let's pretend Mariah's cleavage could speak, or in this case link, here's what it would say.

Jenna Jameson - Need I say more.

Toni Braxton's Gets a Draft - Up her ass.

Kate Beckinsale is moving out - Rocky marriage rumors.

More Jenna Jameson - I'm not saying anymore.

Thalia - El sexto sentido RE+LOADED

The Tony Awards - For the like 5 people who care.

Ashlee Simpson Killed a Prostitute - Just passing along the headlines.

Salma Hayek - The Cleavage of all Cleavage

Will everyone stop posting photos of Mariah Carey and her hard nipples walking her dog. My god. It's not like it's Jessica Alba's nipples. Post something else already, oh, wait, did I post that outload, ahh, nevermind.

Mariah Carey is going to be the new spokeswoman for Gillette. These oversized legs were revealed at a press conference today at Radio City Music Hall. What shaving has to do with Radio City Music Hall I don't know. I do know that I really wish Victoria Secret would jump on this oversized body part bus. I think every one of their gra models needs a giant pair of tits like this. That, my friend, would sell some bras.

Honestly I wrote this post just so I could caption this photo of Mariah Carey as Mariah Carey with her trophies...and a TRL Award. Yes I know, it's boob humor and completely juvenile, but who cares. It is worth nothing that Mariah Carey has recently appeared looking like she weighed 8000 pounds, yet just weeks later at the awards she looks more or less normal. Aliens or a government plot? You decide.

File under Mariah Carey.

Good god. What, or who has Mariah Carey been eating lately? I believe this photo comes from a new year's eve performance, but it doesn't really matter. What matters is that Mariah Carey got fat and looks to be heading towards the Aretha Franklin xlarge diva range. Not a good look for Mariah. She used to be pretty hot in the old days, before the big giant out of control boobs. We'll I guess even with the boobs Mariah was pretty good. But the weight gain is scarey. There's only room for one Aretha Frankline sized diva, and I mean that literally. I recommend Mariah Carey go back to the straw at this point.

File under Mariah Carey.

In the 21st century it appears that you can sing like a wounded dolphin and get nominated for a gazillion Grammy's. Mariah Carey received 8 Grammy nominations for her record The Emancipation of Mimi. If you've seen recent photos of Mariah Carey lately she looks more like a whale than a dolphin. I think Mariah should look into emancipating the big mac. Kanye West announced the nominations and was nominated for some Grammy's himself. Also, I love this photo of Mariah Carey being feed through a straw by an assistant. When I reach celebrity status I'm all about that.

File under Mariah Carey.

Eddie Murphy and Mariah Carey have been seen together in a Miami nightclub. Both were in Miami to attend the 2005 VMA Awards breast fest.. The story goes that Murphy phoned Mariah Carey at the Raleigh Hotel and 'requested her company'. Later in the evening onlookers say Murphy and Carey were whispering and huddling together and then sat at a table and held hands. You've got to hand it to Eddie. His estranged wife Nicole filed for divorce a few weeks ago and Eddie's back hittin it. That's some suave shit when you can just call up Mariah Carey and 'request her company'. Although I wonder how many other men have just 'requested her company'?

File under Eddie Murphy and Mariah Carey Dating.