If we'd have written this post a few months ago it would have probably featured Lindsay Lohan drunk off her ass in Vegas - the way you're supposed to celebrate your 21st birthday. Instead it's Lindsay Lohan at Courtney Cox's house celebrating her birthday by taking pictures of people taking pictures of her. I'm kind of surprised her head is smoking between trying to figure the logic on that one.

Jessica Simpsons upcoming film Blonde Ambition sounds like it will suck. The NY Daily News quotes sources as saying "her manager dad has pushed back the release date twice because the movie is no good.".

They quote another source as saying "Jessica was not very focused on-set and flubbed her lines often. She always had her dog around, was on the phone with [then-] boyfriend John Mayer or was sitting in a warmed-up SUV".

And that's to say nothing of the hours she probably had to spend in make up to keep her from looking like a man. If they were filming from the neck down they probably could have saved, I don't know, millions, in makeup and prosthetic chins. They also could have just done away with the wardrobe department and filmed her naked, but nobody ever listens to my ideas. Now go ahead and try and sell your movie. Hah.
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Lily Allen has reportedly turned herself into British authorities over an alleged assault on paparazzi photographers. She reportedly did some kick and swinging and may have connect with a photogs nose. I've always used by black belt karate moves and never had a problem. But maybe Lily Allen threw those hips into it. This picture is from a while back, and even then it doesn't look like Lily understands the concept of having her picture taken. I'm pretty sure that grabbing onto the photographers equipment somehow hinders the process.

 

Putting an end to rumors that have for weeks dominated not a single media outlet and captivated the attention of maybe 5 people, the Spice Girls have announced they are reuniting. Perhaps this will provide a actual reason for any of us to a care what Victoria Beckham has been doing other than reporting on her giant nipples. Here's a few current picture of the Spice Girls to prove they're all still alive. They begin touring in December. Which means they have the summer to polish up their level of suck before hitting the road.

Paris Hilton is out of jail. Clearly from this drawing Paris made in jail you can tell she's totally reformed. Honestly when I heard Paris drew a self-portrait I expected a drawing of a big vagina with a turn style and flashing neon lights. But clearly her self-image has improved and she's ready to get to back to serving as the anti-roll model for today's youth. Click on the drawing it to see the full version in all its awesome power.
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When he's not busy being beaten in the octagon Chuck Liddell seems to be Mr. Hollywood these days. How many other MMA fighters party at the Grotto? Here's Chuck recently at the Playboy Manion's All Star Night, along with a few other typical Playboy guests - Bai Ling, Vida Guerra, Katie Lohmann and the likes. Chuck appeared on the Letterman (clip) show a couple weeks back and has done a cameo on Entourage. Better hope Hollywood doesn't make him soft.

Maggie Q walked the red carpet of the newest Die Hard installment Live Free or Die Hard wearing an almost see through shirt. I spent about half an hour squinting to see if I could actually see through her dress, but there wasn't a nipple to be found. The little skirt lift is nice though. And the only way Kate Beckinsale's ass could look any hotter would probably involve black magic and shrunken heads - both of which I'm storing up to turn Paris Hilton into a toad.

MSNBC gossip is passing rumors from Life and Style that Nicole Richie might be pregnant, saying a urine test proved so. Here's some pictures from Nicole Richie on the David Letterman show a few days ago. Does Nicole look pregnant to you? I'm no expert but don't you get big and fat when you're pregnant. Perhaps Nicole is incubating a hamster. More likely some kind of reptile. And, yeah I know I've got all kinds of biology and science mixed up here. But it's Chupacabra we're talking about here so anythings possible.
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People.com has revealed Jennifer Aniston's mystery man. Paul Sculfor is a British model, boxer and construction worker (ok which one really?). Here's the filthly details from a Memorial day sighting:

The pair slipped into the beachfront eatery with Sculfor gently rubbing Aniston's back as they waited for a table.

I wasn't aware Jennifer Aniston was dating anybody but herself. Let's face it unless you're dating Brad Pitt, or me, no one really cares.

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The NY Post has copy of a tape of Paula Abdul crying and bitching about a whole load of crap.

"I've been going through tremendous amounts of a difficult time," said Abdul, who recently fibbed to her fans when she said she hurt her nose tripping over her Chihuahua. (We reported the real story last week - that Abdul threw a glass against the wall and a shard of it cut her face.)

And here she is whining about her publicist Howard Bragman:

"Howard Bragman on Monday - he did some disgusting behavior. I had to go to Jimmy Kimmel," Abdul is heard sobbing, "with no publicist there. [Abdul appeared on Kimmel's show on May 15.] I go on with no publicist there and I pay this man . . .

"I don't understand how this man can call me a whining bitch. I've never in my life been called a whining bitch and a loser."

I was going to say how ridiculous it was that a grown woman can't appear on a talk show and speak for herself without a publicist up her ass, but they I remembered that was the episode of Jimmy Kimmel conducted on a moving city bus where Paula shoved tissue up her nose during the interview because of the smell. She doesn't need a publicist she needs an animal trainer. And a shrink. And some tissues.