In the upcoming issue of Rolling Stone Magazine Nick Lachey spells out the demise of his marriage to nitwit Jessica Simpson. Basically Nicky boy got it handed to him:

He tells Rolling Stone magazine, "I'll tell you how I knew my marriage was over: I was told."

I can only imagine the roll papa-pimp Joe played in all of that. I actually thought Nick Lachey came off as a decent guy on the Newlyweds. In hindsight I'm sure he wished he'd banged the shit of anything that came across his path, or maybe he did.

The people have spoken and no one cares. The People's Choice Awards took place last night and I didn't even know it. Where was the marketing for this celebrity breast fest? I caught the last few minutes by accident. Just in time to see man jawed bobble head and her breasts, Jessica Simpson accept an award for These Boobs were Made for Walking. I loved the story that she wore butt implants in her shorts during the video shot for Boots, but I never got around to blogging it. This was Jessica Simpsons first post Nick Lachey public appearance. As usually Jessica had big daddy at her side. Be sure to check out Gorilla Mask for a complete run down of Jessica Simpons People's Choice Award photos.

File under Jessica Simpson.

Jessica Simspon hits the streets in the New Year. That's sounds suggestive. Probably a lot more interesting than the truth which is that it's just a photo of Jessica walking upright like any other human, and it happens to be on a street. Though walking upright might be considered an accomplishment for her. Man, I have no idea what that means, but it sounds funny. Whatever, it's a new picture of Jessica Simpson out and about in the new year. The tabs are starting to buzz that Jessica Simpson is dating a new dude. So I thought it important to pass that one on. Apparently she was spotted with the guy a while back so he's starting to stick you might say. And no I don't think it's the guy in the background of the photo. He's just an anonymous mystery-man-bystander who actually kind of looks like Nick Lachey - which if you read that supermarket tabloids you might think they were contemplating getting back together. But that's crap too.

This mornings paper had a blurb on the front page about Jessica Simpson possibly being cast as the next Bond girl. I claim to know no additional details of a Simpson Bond connection because I fell ill at the thought of that moron ruining a quality 007 film. My only hope is that they break with the traditional Bond girl scenario for Jessica Simpson and instead have Jessica elegantly dismembered by a pride of disgruntled circus Lions in the opening sequence. That is the only cure to save any movie from Simpson horid acting and overall aroma.

File under Jessica Simpson, Bond Girl.

Jessica Simpson has made it official by filing divorce papers to end her marriage to Nick Lachey. Simpson's divorce papers cited irreconcilable difference. We can only hope that NIck will get some form of spousal support so he can receive due credit for keeping Jessica Simpson alive and functioning as some for of adult. Nick is due millions for such tasks as instructing Jessica on the contents of a Tuna can and explaining what is a Bratwurst is. Jessica Simpons' incessant whining should have led Nick to file for divorce long ago. It would take a roomfull of strippers and cheap porn music to drown out Jessica's non stop idiocy, oh, maybe it did.

File under Jessica Simpson Divorce.

I can barely contain my sadness Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson have split up. I might not be able to gorge myself on Turkey and the fixins'. Oh who am I kidding. I'll eat like a pig! Hearing that Nick and Jessica split up isn't much of a surprise. After hearing months of endless Jessica and Nick break up rumors the real deal is finally confirmed. ET online reports that the Simpson's have officially announced a split. Nick and Jessica's marriage is over, split ville, done. Nick is now a free man. Whether this means a impending Simpson divorce, who knows. Who cares! I'm hungry.

File under Nick and Jessica split up, Nick Lachey, Jessica Simpson.

Here's a random shot apparently from Nick and Jessica's vacation. Just needed to pass it along because I think the world was short on Jessica Simpson see through shirt pictures. And probably also lacking in Jessica Simpson nipple photos. So here we go, two birds with one hard stone. Simpson and Lachey seem to be holding it together after all the rumors of a breakup. Maybe Italy did her boobs, I mean Nick, some good.

All of the tabloid TV programs have picked up on the fact that Nick Lachey was in Las Vegas for some charity deal and did not have the ball and chain Jessica Simpson with him. Everyone's looking to throw fuel on the Simpson split up fire. Have Nick and Jessica broke up? Are Jessica and Nick still together? Will we ever see the Britney Spears sex tape? Oh, wait, my mind was wandering. Anyway. Reports are that Nick behaved himself in the land of strippers and legal whores. So that's got to mean he's still will Jessica, or perhaps completely lost his mind. Or trying hard as hell to fool the media. Either way don't believe anything you hear.

File under Jessica Simspon.

People magazine reports that Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson are on vacation in Italy. The Simpson machinery sill denies any breakup and says that Jessica and Nick are still together, despite sightings of both without their wedding rings, which actually means absolutely nothing.

File under Jessica Simpson.

The Simpson camp is responding to the mass media reporting that Jessica and Nick have split. Jessica's father, Joe Simpson, states the the rumors are "not true". Time will only tell, but you've got to figure if they do announce an upcoming split Nick and Jessica are going to look like a couple crap weasels for denying reports now.

The insider sites are buzzing about an upcoming announcement to be made by Nick and Jessica Simpson. All the guesses right now point to an announced that Lachey and Simpson are going to separate or get divorced. The unhappy Simpson rumors have been simmering for quite sometime. Yesterday PerezHilton reported the exclusive on the upcoming Simpson split. Total the net is flooded with US Magazine covers reporting that Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson have split up. The cover claims that her (and I paraphrase) massive giant ego and crazy father drove them apart. I think Nick's actually a pretty normally guy (for a star), which is why I could never understand how he put up with Jessica's idiotic crap. Am I never really dug Jessica's manly jaw line either, but I guess that's being a little picky eh.

File under Jessica Simpson, Simpson Split.

The is the first comic installment of what we call "T-Shirts We Dare A Celebrity to Wear". We hand picked some of our favorite funny humorous and just plain offensive t-shirts and paired them up with the celebrity we think would get a good laugh wearing them. Funny design tees are popular as ever. Britney Spears even sported her own custom tee to an awards show. But celebs need to get some balls wear some really funny stuff. The shirts come from some of our favorite online shops including DeezTeez.com, Design You Can Wear and Busted Tees. Have a laugh on us. Click the shirts to hit the shops.

Anyone dating Paris Hilton

The party shirt for Tara Reid.

Tom Lee needs this shirt for university.

 

Bill Clinton

Puffy P. Daddy Diddy needs to spread this news

Another good one for Paris

 

George Bush

Gwyneth Paltrow's message to Chris Martin

Jessica Simpson

 

File under Celebrity T-Shirts.

I may be mistaken, but this photo appears to be Jessica Simpson saying Fuck You. Now, I could be wrong, she may just be practicing her counting, or have some form of turrets syndrome. OK, fine, but I'm not really feelin that. Seems more like a big f-you from Jessica. Actually I'm cool with it. I think celebs need to throw off politeness sometime. Let's face it most people aren't polite to them. But Jessica Simpson giving the finger doesn't quite fit with her church upbringing, that's all I'm saying. If you're going to be a star and act like an apparent 'asshole' to people (though usually they deserve it), do it all the time, cause if you play one way and then swing another you're going to get called a hypocrite. Of course this photo could be taken totally out of context in which case my arguement is all crap, it's still a funny photo.

File under Jessica Simpson.

There are a million different, very funny ways to caption this photo of Jessica Simpson at the MTV Video Music Awards. Let me start with just a few keywords scary, deranged, big head, Simpson at VMAs. What's clear is the Jessica Simpson is only wearing half a dress. What happened to the back? Is she not paid enough? I am hugely disappointed though because it appears to me the she put the dress on backwards. Maybe the entire dress was there and Nick jumped her on the way over like a pack of wild dogs. That explanation would work for me too. Whatever the case it might take more than seeing Jessica Simpson's black lace bra to make up for the rabid look on her man face.

File under Jessica Simpsons Bra, Jessica Simpson's VMA Dress.

Jessica Simpson has released a line of plus-size jeans for over-size woman (sizes 12-24). The Simpson jeans will be available at Avenue stores. Oh, the irony. Where do I start? Perhaps with a quote from Jessica's father, pimp and manager Joe Simpson:

"We have people 300 lbs. or 90 lbs. come up to Jessica and say, 'I'm just like you,'" Jessica's father and manager, Joe Simpson, tells the paper, adding: "It's not about the outside. It's what's inside." "

I think in fact most people that come up to Jessica Simpson are NOT just like her. I'd venture to say the vast majority are infinitely smarter and can sing better. But apparently Jessica Simpson is a role model for the uneducated brain dead masses who just want to stare at her boobs. (I guess we can't blame them for that.)

I'm so impressed to hear the Jessica Simpson spent the time to try on like 25 pairs of jeans that someone else designed. It's nice that a skinny big breasted celebrity would take the time to sell clothes to 'over-sized' woman - which likely comprise the majority of American's who probably resent the term 'plus-size' and hate her for being skinny.

Poor celebrities. You try to do a good thing, flash a little boob here, there and everywhere, and the media says you've got fake tits. Jessicsa Simpson is the latest breast bearing celeb to have to refute claims that she's had a boob job. Her miraculous Daisy Duke's have taken center stage as the Dukes of Hazzard recently premiered. Perhaps the Simpson boob news is a good thing, as it will take the spotlight off of the horrendous movie reviews for Dukes.

Daisy Duke Jessica Simpson appeared last night on the Jay Leno show to promote Dukes of Hazzard and perform a duet with Willie Nelson. She was also hocking a line of skin care products that are supposed to be 'lickable'. Jessica demonstrated a couple of the lotions, rubbing them on her arms and then licking herself like a cat. Interesting enough I guess. What was somewhat disturbing is that one of the products is meant for use on 'smelly belly buttons'. And of course it was lickable too. My question is who's belly button smells so bad that they need cover up the odor? What kind of stomach funk do these woman have brewing? If you're belly button smells, let me tell you, you've got bigger issues than a lickable lotion is going to fix. Hopefully Jessica doesn't suffer from this problem. But I'll tell you what would really sell the product. Jessica Simpson licking her own belly button. You could sell a dead rat on a stick if the commercial had Jessica Simpson licking her own body parts, particularly her belly button. That would be good late night tv folks.

Ms. Daisy Duke Jessica Simpson has said she did a six day a week workout to get in shape for Dukes of Hazzard. Including lots of work on her ass which has made Nick Lachey more than a bit happy. Now Simpson is going to put out a workout video of her own with the trainer she worked out with for the Dukes of Hazzard breast fest. I'd say the guy knows what he's doing, especially if you've seen Jessica's GQ bikini photos - nice pair of Daisy Dukes. Reports that the video or DVD will be packaged for male audiences with a large workout towel have yet to be confirmed - mainly because I just made that part up. Whether you want to exercise like Jessica Simpson or just look AT Jessica Simpson the workout video should be a best seller.

Jessica Simpson is scheduled to appear on Jay Leno on Friday the 28th of July.

So on the heals of the upcoming Jessica Simpson Dukes of Hazard breast bonanza I hear talk of Jessica and Ashlee putting the Simpson power together in one movie. Is this right or perhaps a halucination. Or perhaps I'd pray for one after sitting through more than an hour of Jessica and Ashlee tegether. Oh brother.

Now if you're talking about the Jessica Simpson GQ cover that's another story. A work of art I say. And the best part is the GQ cover can't speak. The patriotic Simpson bikini speaks volumes enough and nothing about chicken of the sea. Jessica Simpson is definitely made for looking not listening. Check out the GQ pictures for yourself. Gitty-up Daisy Duke.