Seems like it's been ages since we've seen Paris and Nicole together. The wonders twins reunited for opening of DCMA Collective's flagship store. It was like the battle of the red carpet cleavage. I think Wonk Eye might have lost this one to Nicole's post-baby-naturally-enhanced assets.

Photo: PRPhotos.com

Nicole Richie gave birth Friday to a baby girl at Cendars-Sinai Medical Center. The baby weighed 6 lbs 7oz. Nicole and Joel named their new girl Harlow Winter Kate Madden. And contrary to our earlier post that Christina Aguilera was also in labor at Cedars-Sinai Us Magainze reports her reps say she's still very much pregnant. Recent online reports had said Nicole and Christina were giving birth just 'yards apart' - and that Christina had a scheduled C-Section. Congrats to Nicole, Joel and Harlow and stayed tuned for Christina's pending arrival.

Photo: Wenn

Joel Madden and mom-to-be Nicole Richie have created the Richie Madden Children's Foundation to help give back to their community. At the launch event they gave away gifts to 100 expectant mothers, totaling almost $200,000. Nicole explained:

"We grew up in Los Angeles," he said, "and we want our child to be a part of the community, and to know that there's a responsibility to help the community."

Wow. Little baby Chupacabra might have a heart after all. It's quite impressive really because if you ever watched the Simple Life you'd wonder how Nicole could even manage to make a ham sandwich let alone keep a helpless baby human alive.

Photo: Wenn | Source

Man, our legal system is awesome. The Associated Press reports that Nicole Richie served all of 82 minutes of her four-day DUI sentence. As a matter of fact she never even made it into her cell. She just went through the booking, a mugshot and finger prints. Nice, haha Lindsay, take that - you got a whole day in jail to serve. That's hard time sister.

Photo: wenn.com

Breaking News - Nicole Richie is pregnant - still! Nicole was spotted in North Hollywood today wearing grandpa's hat. She seems to be growing herself a little belly, but the boobs are clearly still in the lead. But Christina Aguilera's still got her beat, even though she hasn't actually admitted she's pregnant.

Photo: Wenn

Nicole Richie was spotted on the streets of NY with Mischa Barton. And it would appear that Nicole Richie has boobs. Big ones. Well, bigger anyway. I looked it up, and guess what - when you're pregnant your boobs get bigger. And you'll never believe this - you can feed kids with those things. Seriously. Learn something useful everyday.

Photo: Wenn

Nicole Richie has been sentenced to spend 4 whole days in jail and a fine of $2,048. She was also given credit for time spend in jail during her arrest. Apparently that's the punishment you get when you're the Chupacabra and have 2 DUI convictions in just 4 years time. Quite the sweet deal. Oh, and of course probation and the 'alcohol education' course, but I'm guessing Nicole and Lindsay can work a little group discount on that one, that is if Lindsay's not the one actually giving the class by that point.

Photo: wenn.com | Source

TMZ reports that despite Nicole's best efforts she has been denied a continuance and will go to court tomorrow morning. And so starts the second half of the dynamic duo's DUI debacle. Unfortunately if convicted she could get as little as three days in jail, and I'm guessing that being pregnant (was that confirmed?) might somehow keep her out all together. Paris should have tried that one out.

Photo: wenn.com | Source

MSNBC gossip is passing rumors from Life and Style that Nicole Richie might be pregnant, saying a urine test proved so. Here's some pictures from Nicole Richie on the David Letterman show a few days ago. Does Nicole look pregnant to you? I'm no expert but don't you get big and fat when you're pregnant. Perhaps Nicole is incubating a hamster. More likely some kind of reptile. And, yeah I know I've got all kinds of biology and science mixed up here. But it's Chupacabra we're talking about here so anythings possible.

Photo: Wenn.com | Source

I thought I had a pretty exciting holiday weekend - parachuting into the heart of Africa under the cover of darkness to deliver Brad and Angelina's adoption papers to starving orphans. But Nicole Richie really knows how to have fun. Here's a copy of the invitation to her Memorial Day bash:

My fellow Americans its that time of year
to celebrate our country by drinking massive amounts of beer
Let's stand together as one, live the American dream
Take shots, pass out, & wake up with our pants ripped open at the seams
Let's glorify this day in your sluttiest tops and your tightest pair of tsubi jeans
Even though we have no !@#$% clue what Memorial Day really means.
There will be a scale at the front door. No girls over 100 pounds allowed in. Start starving yourself now. See you all then!!

That sounds awesome and sexy too. Especially the bit about no girls over 100 pounds. And if there's any doubt to whether Nicole knows how to pull off such a bash, consider that Mischa Barton "was rolling around on the ground... and then suddenly she began screaming that she was dying." (InTouchWeekly) Man, now that's how to party.

Photo: Wenn.com | Source

TMZ reports that Nicole Richie was arrested for DUI this morning after driving the wrong way down the 134 freeway in Burbank, CA. Even better is the booking information showed her to be 5'1"" and 85 lbs, which I say makes a great defense. How could someone small enough to be folded up and put in the glovebox actually maneuver an SUV the wrong way on the freeway. Perhaps the Vicodin and pot combo gave her super strength.

Source.

Personally I'm not, but it seems that nude photos of Nicole Richie may be on the way to a computer near you. MSN reports that Nicole's camera was lost in a recent trip to an LA night club. The story claims that Nicole had the club searched, along with the bags of many A-listers, looking for the lost camera. That sounds a little far fetched to me. Nicole Richie is about the last celebrity I'd like to see nude these days. She's one step from a skeleton and so seriously lothesome on the Simple LIfe that I'd rather look at photos of a masturbating chip then anything x-rated Nicole Richie might have done. Unless of course it's reconciling with Paris Hilton in a little girl on girl action - that I'd give her a pass for.
Source.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking, "The first Simple Life sucked too". True. I admit I find endless amusement in the idiotic behavior of Paris Hilton and Skeletor Nicole Richie. It's kind of like watching circus freaks, you just can't take you're eyes of them. I finally got around to watching a couple episodes of The Simple Life 2. Holy crap. The Hilton Richie feud has ruined this stupid show. You'd have to have watched to understand, so I may be ranting to absolutely no one, but the way it's edited and set up blows. And Nicole Richie is more annoying than ever. These poor people. So for the sake of my TV enjoyment Paris and Nicole need to make up and end this feud - wait - I mean make out and do it nude.

Kristin Kreuk
You need to know her, in the Bastardly way.

Paris Hilton at Canne
As stupid as ever.

Lara Flynn Boyle's Class
I mean ass.

Mischa Barton has an Itch
I can help with that.

Fergie Has a Sister
With really really big breasts

Kirsten Dunst in a Bikini
Canne snaggletooth swimming competition.

Breaking News
Nicole Richie Seen Eating

Random College Chicks
Getting it on. Thanks College Humor

Nothing Beats a Hot Nurse
Especially if she's beating you.

Lindsay Lohan Fat?
Compared to Nicole Richie anyone is.

Britney's Spears is an awesome mom
Really, no really. really.

Eva Longoria to the Maximus
More Maxim coverage for Longoria's cameltoe

Pamela Anderson is Inappropriate
But young boys will love here.

This chick is so baffling. What the hell is with these glasses? I typically wouldn't even bother with this, but they're just f-ing retarded. And the crazy hair. Nicole Richie needs to ditch the sunglasses, sit down, have a hamburger or two and for the love of god make up with Paris Hilton so we can see a Nicole Richie Paris Hilton sex tape already. For a little Nicole nostalgia here's a photo of Nicole Richie's tit ring back when she was pudgy.

Victoria Silvstedt is Ready to Fall Out
Nice fake boobies.

Mishka Barton Might Need a Longer Skirt
Or maybe not.

Jessica Simpson is Freaking Hot
If you're into the manly type.

Cindy Margolis is a Lover
It says so right across her tits. Really.

Nicole Richie Has Great Taste
Just not in sunglasses. Holy crap.

Janet Jackson's Not Fat Anymore?? - The Bastardly

Leonardo DiCaprio's Girlfriend's Dirty Secrets - IDLYITW

Paris Hilton sucks at Poker - The Superficial

Lindsay Lohan goes after Nick Lachey - The Bosh

Nicole Richie and DJ Adam are packin' ammo - T-Shirt watch

David Spade is dodging or denying rumors that he has nailed Heather Locklear. Source. How David Spade gets all this first rate action is beyond me. There's been buzz over his supposed relationship with Heather Locklear after her separation from Richie Sambora. Spade's move seems to be the sensitive shoulder to cry on. And even if he isn't doing Locklear, why the hell deny it, dumbass. Thanks to T-Shirt Watch for the so LA Heather Locklear photo.

Kevin Smith tells stories about banging Nicole Richie - The Superficial

Britney Spears Naked Pregnant Statue - The Burning Bra

Mishka Barton Gets Busy - Egotastic

Natalie Portman Wears a Skull - T-Shirt Watch

Well maybe to an 11 year old boy. People has a story about Nicole Richie asking an 11-year-old boy if he thought that she was a MILF. That's hot. The exchange was caught on tape during the filming of A Simple LIfe. The outraged parents of the boy then refused to sign a release after the exchange, meaning the footage cannot be aired. I don't think they boy was frightened by the fact that Nicole Richie wondered if she was a MILF, I think the real fear came from thinking that a walking skeleton could actually speak.

I'm racking my brain trying to make sense of seeing Nicole Richie together with Steve O. The two are so odd, which is like saying the sun is a bit hot. My mind wanders to all the bizarre and horrendous things Steve O could do to Niocle by incorporating her into his dog and pony show. Like maybe stapling her to Paris Hilton and forcing a little made up session. Or folding Nicole up, putting her in a FedEx box and sending her across country. We know she'd fit.

File under Steve O, Nicole Richie.

Nicole Richie has ended her engagement to DJ AM Adam Goldstein. People Magazine reports that Nicole rep has confirmed that the engagement has been called off. This means that Adam Goldstein is off the hook. He no longer has to marry someone that dresses like a grandma and wear sunglasses that look like f'en satellites. And since neither Paris HIlton or Nicole is engaged anymore it opens the door for a holiday reunion and some hot lesbian action between old pals. That, my friends, is Christmas spirit.
File under Nicole Richie Engagement.

Sources including MSN are running stories about Nicole Richie receiving prank phone calls. Nicole claims that almost every night Paris Hilton is making prank calls to her. Of course Richie she has no proof who really make the prank calls, but she believe it to be Paris. I don't. I find it tough to believe that Paris Hilton is making prank calls. I find it hard to believe that Paris Hilton even knows how to dial a phone, or remember more than 3 things at once, let alone a complete phone number. And odds are that Paris learned to count to 69 and decided that was a great place to stop. Let's face it if you look like Paris, and like the number 69 you could probably get just about anyone on the planet to do anything for you. So if it is Paris behind the prank calls to Nicole I'd put my money on a happy assistant with crotch breath.

File under NIcole Richie prank calls, Paris Hilton.

Ran across of video clip of Nicole Richie during an interview with some media. She's playing with her loose top and the end result is a Nicole Richie nipple slip on film. You can check it out at CollegeHumor.com. I know it's not as good as watching a Paris HIlton sex tape, but how often do you see a scarecrow with nipples? If the Nicole nip slip interview video isn't good enough for you than here's an old pict of Nicole Richies nipple ring.

In a typical Paris Hilton delusional move Paris says that she has not given up on The Simple Life and is continuing to shot it. This, despite Fox canceling the series. The Paris Hitlon Nicole Richie feud was likely a source of fuel for the Simple Life crash and burn. The two prima donnas are apparently not on speaking terms, which explains why it might be hard to film a TV show starring the two of them. Hilton says that the other networks are all after the show. Somehow I think Paris' new pet ferret might have eaten what's left of her brain while she slept. And I'd also venture to say the ferret could have been whittling away at Nicole Richie too.

File under Simple Life.

Catching up today with the latest celebrity gossip brought to you by a plethora of unreliable sources found around the naked internet. First we have Jude Law and Sienna Miller breaking up. Finally. Get it over with folks. We've already seen that Jude Law has a small penis, but still managed to stick it to the nanny and then embarrassingly apologize for cheating on Sienna in public.

And we've got the super skinning scarecrow Nicole Richie who recently threw an engagement party filled with people like the talented and classic Lionel Richie, the horendous sell out no talent Mark McGrath, the stunning Nicky Hilton and the woman who's proved she can't drive worth a damn, Lindsay Lohan. You'll find photos of Nicole Richie's engagement party around and about the web. I couldn't bring myself to care enough to find any.

Let's not leave out the nearly constantly naked Paris Hilton. Her latest is that she has stolen the boyfriend of Mary-Kate Olsen. Yet another Greek dude named Stavros Niarchos. He's got more money than God and could probably buy and sell Paris Latsis like a big mac. I think it's rumors at this point but it makes for good ratings. Eat it up.

Here's a few halloween costume ideas we'd like to pass on in the name of celebrity fashion. We've hand picked the best halloween costume ideas based on such superficial attributes as star power, wealth, weight, degree of general annoyance and overall stupidity. Here we go with our celebrity costume run down for Halloween 2005:

The Crunch suggests that:

Paris Hilton dress up as Nicole Richie, then Nicole wears a Tara Reid costume, and Tara Reid dresses up like the hobo on my corner, oh wait, that's not a costume.

Kevin Federline might want to pull up his pants, stop playing golf and dress like a respectable dad. This halloween we've love to see Donatella Versace put ON a mask, of any form, and STOP scaring people. Jennifer Garner makes the obvious best pumpkin, unless she's popped by Halloween.

And I reverse my earlier pick of Nicole Richie going as Tara Reid and just say that Nicole quickly put on a few pounds so she can go as a broom stick. If Paris want's to ride her I'd pay 5 bucks to watch. And really, if Paris HIlton could just put on any form of clothing it would be like wearing a costume.

For this Halloween's biggest scare we can only hope that the we can see the Britney Spears sex tape. We've already had the frightful sneak peak with Janet Jackson sunbathing nude playing butt bongo, so we're geared up for a bigger Britney and Kevin scarefest.

And for the this years most perfect Halloween costume idea, let me present Lindsay Lohan as a crash test dummy. As for me I've spent my life savings on all of Britney's clothes and nasty sandals from the auction and will be dressing up as Britney Spears.

File under Britney Spears, Halloween Costumes.

I don't really care what's technically in style, or what came off the runways of the lastest Fashion Week in New York. When it comes to sunglasses the size of satellites they just suck. And Nicole Richie looks like an 80-year old fly wearing them. They look so big they make her head look like it might snap off her skinning neck at any moment. Big giant fly sunglasses suck and you know it.

File under Nicole Richie.

It's our celebrity scandal recap. Just a few of the popular searches for recent celebrity scandals to lighten your day and make you feel fresh, and, well, just plain better about yourself. You can always feel good that you've got a better temper than Russel Crowe, and don't have to fork out six figures to settle a dispute for throwing a telephone at someone's head. And be thankful you're not addicted to drugs and in rehab, that's were Eminem recently went. You can be absolutely ecstatic that you do NOT look like Carrot Top or Steve Erhardt.

Most people would be happy to have Jessica Simpson's boobs but then you'd have to deal with everyone thinking they are fake. If you're going to go the fake route, we'd suggest you go all the way and get boobs like Pamela Anderson's, they'll always cause a scandal. But whatever you do don't get teeth like Hilary Duff's, cause you'll end up looking like a horse. And of course avoid becoming too skinny, like Nicole Richie. Our showing your crotch like Beyonce. or swimsuit cameltoe like Eva Longoria at the recent MTV VMAs. Poor Eva.

File under Celebrity Scandals.

Rebuffing those who say's she has anorexia Courtney Cox is proclaiming that she is at her idea weight. Cox's ideal wieght just happens to appear to many as being far too skinny, although currently that title is being clutched by the boney fingers of Nicole Richie. I certainly don't reject that someone likes themselves at their 'ideal weight' however that does not mean that they aren't too skinny, or even reached that weight by unhealthy means. If a majority of the American population would just become overweight then all these stars would look really foolish - oh wait that's already happened, hum, didn't work.

File under Courtney Cox Anorexia.

According to Reuter's Justin Timberlake has won a libel case against British tabloid newspaper The News of the World. The tabloid was accused of falsing reporting that Justin Timberlake had an affair while dating actress Cameron Diaz. Timberlake's supposed affair was with model Lucy Clarkson. The newspaper admitted that the story was fabricated and agreed to pay damages. Timberlake says he will donate the damages to a charity - which I think is cool. You know that Justin has more money that god anyway. So, now let me get this straight - stories in the tabloids aren't always true. That means that the Nicole Richie weight gaining program I just read about and started - in hopes of beefing up to fight off the aliens arriving next month - isn't real? Damn.

File under Justin Timberlake.

E! online is running a special version of the popular show Wild On. The 13 show spin off called Taradise features Tara Reid frantically parting her fake tits off around the globe. If you're fans of Tara's and hit the web you'll find an absolutely staggering number of pictures of Tara Reid drunk - or at least she appears to be - right off her ass. I can think of no other logical explanation to describe the Reid photos I've seen (my opinion of course). What the hell is with this girl? First she flops out a tit on the red carpet and doesn't even realize it. That also lacks an explanation - though I don't think anyone really care's why or how - just that it happened. And now she's seems to be three sheets to the wind just about everywhere you look. Here are additional photos of Tara Reid and the disappearing Nicole Richie.

File under Tara Reid Taradise.

I say no - that is if you like looking like a praying mantis. Nicole Richie is so skinny Courtney Love could use her as a toothpick - if she hasn't already eaten her. Richie has reduced herself to a fantastical bobble head look. I don't care how skinny you like your woman. Nicole Richie is too skinny. I had to laugh at recent photos of a Nicole Richie nip slip. What's the point in covering your chest at all when you have no boobs. I guess just to hide that oh-so-in skeletor look.

File under nicole richie.

It's always a super news day when a haircut makes news. Forget about starving children, plane crashes or terrorists, Paris Hilton has a new haircut. Paris showed off the new fro at the recent Teen Choice Awards - once of the more important cultural events of the month. Somebody thought Paris Hilton might have been wearing a wig, but I think the locks are real. The bombshell walked the red carpet with the new bob and helped host the awards along with Nicole Richie.

Fox has announced that the feuding duo of Hilton and Richie will return together for another season of The Simple Life. No word on if Paris and Nicole have buried the hatchet. We chimed in a while back with our take on the Paris and Nicole feud. Fox is banking on the fact that their pairs pending weddings will make for good TV. Nicole Richie is engaged to DJ Adam Goldstein and Paris Hilton is engaged to another Paris - Paris Latsis. Nobody seems to know what cause the feud and Paris and Nicole aren't telling. Maybe we'll find out on next seasons Simple LIfe.

In the troubled times the world faces today the American people can't bear to have Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton mad at each other. It is time they kiss and made up. And it would seem that Fox agrees. People and Us Weekly magazines are reporting that producers of The Simple Life have their hopes set on ending the Richie Hilton feud so that the two divas can return to The Simple Life for a fourth season.

There would certainly be plenty of material to chronicle in the lives of these two nuts. First you've got Paris Hilton's wedding to Paris Latsis AND Nicole Richie's upcoming wedding with Adam Goldstein (aka DJ-Am - boy that's gay). Nicole and Paris just belong together. Like vanilla ice cream and apple pie. Hot dogs and baseball. They help epitomize the twisted materialist sex-starved state of our great country. Who else is going to pump out the sex tapes - you know Paris is got that task down. We can only hope that one day there will be a Paris Hilton Nicole Richie sex tape. That is where our dreams lie - and that is why the fight must end. Tears must be shed and the the breasts must be beared. Reunite Nicole and Paris Fox - for the good of all man-kind.