Funny or Die put together a spoof ad for John McCain featuring Paris Hilton. While Farrell's Funny or Die has put together a couple good spoofs in the past this one is, ah, stupid. Paris talking about off shore drilling makes no sense, well, ok maybe a little sense, Paris does know a thing or two about getting drilled. Fail.
Holy crap. We've all see Paris Hilton's tits. Who hasn't? And they aren't that big. What kind of marvel of engineering is going on under that dress? Mind you a nice set of pushed up jugs is required to offset the otherwise horrible look of disinterest she's got. Not to mention those arms.
Paris and her pet Benji were in Russia to promote Paris' new perfume "Can Can". If there was ever a place to try and sell crazy, a country where the vodka flows like water would be it. No word on if Paris introduced the Russia kids to the Paris Hilton doll.
I stumbled on this promotional picture a couple of days ago. I'm assuming it's real? It's a Paris Hilton doll* for your kid. What a great idea. Not quite as healthy for your child as letting them play with a zip lock full of broken glass, but hey. I envision a complete line of doll-sized accessories for little Paris - miniature pregnancy tests, Xanez, Penicillin and a little video camera with night vision to record those special childhood moments only Paris Hilton could teach your child. *(Underwear not included).
I'm sure that when you see a post title like "Paris Hilton Goes Down" you're expecting to see some new sex tape footage. Ironically not. Shocking, eh. Lovebirds Paris and Benji were in Prague over the weekend and Paris Hilton took a hard fall while trying to make her way through a swarm of photographers. Luckily the pavement caught her by the face and she wasn't too badly damaged.
What's with these photographers chasing them around? I know the pap do that in here in the U.S., but doesn't Prague have differently laws. You'd figure they're close enough to the old Soviet empire that you Benji could get away with mowing them down Rambo style. At least live up to the tatted tough guy image and pull a few spleens out or something. You can watch video of the impending paparazzi melee after the jump.
Paris Hilton was in Turkey yesterday to judge a beauty contest. Having Paris help crown Miss Turkey sounds all well and good until she got up and stage and tried to bust some indigenous dance moves. It was more watching like a rubber broom stick with a wig then actual belly dancing. But how can you blame her, after all her dance experience pretty much consists of rubbing against horny guys already on the penicillin starter course. Watch Paris try and belly dance after the jump.
Paris Hilton's probably feeling smug right now after getting away with a stunt that had just about every major media source reporting that she'd 'found enlightenment' with a Monk. Turns out the whole schtick is part of a new E! show called Pop Fiction. With Ashton Kutcher on as producer, the show is a spin on Punk'd where the joke is supposedly on the media outlets and paparazzi. Jason Goldberg, one of Kutcher's partners explains to USA Today:
Goldberg says the show is not meant as a forum for celebrity "whining," but is instead played as a comedy. "We're having fun, but we want to say to people, 'Can you really believe everything you read and see?' "
He claims major media outlets have been duped into reporting false stories about celebrities in recent months, though he would not elaborate.
"This is about selling magazines," he says. "But it's not just at the expense of celebrities; it's at the expense of the population, because they're being sucked into it, too."
Hey, fine by me. Let's all make stuff up. But do you really think anyone who saw the Paris monk story actually believed that crazy broad was becoming a Buddhist? She can barely walk and chew gum at the same time. So does this explain the K-Fed fat suit photos?
If you thought Paris Hilton has finally found spiritual enlightenment - you're wrong. Paris has been spotted over the last few days with a pretty authentic looking Monk. The two have been seen together in spiritual books stores. He even read to her (you know she can't herself). Well turns out it's just more bullshit from Paris. The 'monk' is really Maxie J. Santillan Jr. a bit part actor. Check out his imdb page here. Whether or not he is really a Buddhist I have no idea. What I do know is that Paris is pretending to take advice from a dude who was in The Spongebob Square Pants movie. Need I say more?
Paris Hilton was spotted yesterday shopping with new boyfriend Benji Madden. Benji is of course brother of Joel Madden, who is married to Nicole Richie. Paris dating Nicole's brother-in-law has kind of a backwoods inbred feel to it. Look at Benji tote those bags too. That's beautiful new love folks. So new the post-urination discomfort of dating Paris hasn't even begun to set in.
Paris Hilton celebrated her 27th birthday at Pure nightclub in Vegas by hanging out with the Pussy Cat Dolls. Most people don't parade around a stage in lingerie on their birthday, but then again most people don't possess the level of skanky self-importance that Paris does. To think she's made it 27 years without contracting some disease that causes her body parts to fall off is pretty impressive really. A testament to modern science and penicillin. And in photo hightlights only Paris could bring here's some ass cheek and reverse cameltoe.
In an effort to make herself look 'hot' Paris Hilton has taken to hanging out with really ugly chicks. Just look at this hideous beast - and that girl with ugly make up. Ah, just kidding Paris is actually filming an episode of Hottie or Nottie, which I think I've seen a teaser for somewhere. Whatever it is it would seem to involve Paris Hilton and girls dressed up to be really ugly. Paris has got to love that. And just because she's not Britney Spears, here's a few snaps of Paris arriving at LAX yesterday.
Paris did a bit of pre-New Year's eve partying at Pure nightclub in Las Vegas. And despite reports of Paris hooking up with K-Fed it looks like she was making some other unnamed dude happy in these photos. This is really the treatment you'd expect when Paris hosts a party though. I'm pretty sure her definition of 'host' includes table by table lap dances. And of course the end of the evening raffle for 'one night in Paris' and a complimentary prescription for penicillin.
There are some things in life that take you by surprise and make you stop an look. Like someone naked, covered in gold paint - a la Bond's Goldfinger. Then again, when Paris Hilton is the one getting painted naked you say to yourself - "yeah, that's about right". Paris was photographed covered in paint in the mojave desert for something called the Rich Water Foundation . Paris' new line of RICH Prosecco will help raise money for the cause as well.
Paris Hilton was spotted hanging out with Avril Lavigne at the opening party of the Goa nightclub. Boring? Yes. Where's Avril you ask. Oh she's there. I'm just not into posting raccoons. And Paris is barely worth the post. She's gotten so, well, boring. Where are the see through clothes, the pantiless crotch shots? Has she passed the torch on to Kim K? I mean, hell, Paris actually looks pretty damn good here. Classy and respectable and smart, and ahh just kidding.
Paris Hilton's been in Shanghai, China this week doing, well, whatever Paris does. Eat stuffing and infecting entire continents with God knows what. And of course wearing see through clothes. Well, almost see through. Big tease. Whatever she's doing is being filmed by MTV China for a video diary special - proving that the appeal for spoiled rich chicks apparently runs worldwide.
Paris Hilton's humanitarian trip to Rwanda has been postponed.
Due to the restructuring of the Playing for Good Foundation, the philanthropic trip to Rwanda that the foundation had previously planned with Paris Hilton has been postponed," the organization said Thursday in a statement.
It probably had more to do with the people of Rwanda Praying to God that she didn't come. I mean it's one thing to offer some humanitarian aid if you're Sean Penn and you've got yourself a dingy. But when all you've got to offer the youth of Rwanda is a silver spoon coated in Vodka, a bag of prescriptions for STD's and a general lack of social responsibility you're really better off just calling it a day and hitting the pool. Here's a few snaps of Paris with her boobs pushed up at the recent Spike event - so we all can remember what she is good at.
The David Letterman show is without a doubt one of worst hours of comedy on TV. But, you've got to love Dave from this interview with Paris Hilton. No small talk, just right to the point. How was jail bitch? And what do you know, it made poor Paris sad. Ahhhh too bad. Letterman's crazy for even mentioning Paris and Role Model in the same sentence, but telling Paris her legacy would be jail is pretty much brilliant - and true.
For a minute I thought this was too good to be true. Paris, going to Africa, maybe forever? Then I realized she's thinks she some humanitarian.
"There's so much need in that area, and I feel like if I go, it will bring more attention to what people can do to help,"
What? I'm pretty sure she's is going to make an impact. When Paris steps off the plane the entire population of the disease plagued country will put a halt the genocide and probably stop dying of AIDS right on the spot. An ebola carrying monkey wouldn't shake her hand. And I know, I asked the one I keep in my basement. He's actually healthy but started signing 'ebola' when I showed him Paris' photo, which I thought was pretty bad until he started flinging the poo, which was just plain rude.
Paris was spotted yesterday shopping on Robertson Boulevard with her dog and carrying around a magazine with her own picture on the cover. It's a classy move, just like wearing stockings with runs and holes in the knees. Which really makes perfect sense when you think about how they probably got there. It's not as smooth as wearing a t-shirt that says Move Bitch, but still all class.
The bikini fest continues. If Carmen Electra's bikini wasn't enough here's Paris Hilton having a party in Malibu. I'm not sure what the hell she's taking a drink of, but it looks so posed I'd be she's getting paid for some kind of paparazzi product placement. Wait, that'd just be too smart.
Members of PETA dressed up like Paris Hilton and Britney Spears to protest the celebrities buying purebred dogs instead of adopting pets from shelters. PETA's Director, Daphna Nachminovitch suggested this solution.
Forget jail or rehab; these selfish stars should do a stint in an animal shelter, where they would witness the plight of dogs who end up there after being bought on an impulse.
I think I'd rather be raised by a pack of starved pitbulls then be adopted from a pet store or shelter by Britney or Paris. But seriously, locking those two up in an animal shelter is really unfair to the poor animals.
Topping today's list of crap you really shouldn't care about - Paris Hilton takes her new dog shopping. Paris reportedly got the Chihuahu from the same pet store that sold Britney Spears her new dog. She's barely able to control herself. Adding a 4-pound animal to the mix is really tipping the scales. I'd set the over/under at 10 days that Paris accidentally mistakes it for a big potato and throws it in the microwave.
Paris Hilton spent the weekend at the beach learning how to surf. She looks like she might be alright at it, expect for all the falling in the water and boob checking that's going on. You've got to figure that getting hit in the head by a surfboard a few times could only help.
Paris Hilton is spending a few days in Maui as a post-jail celebration. Freedom to surf, sleep with new strangers and wear see through bikinis. I kind of looks like something knitted by a blind man, but it's great. I wasn't aware the Paris Hilton knew how to surf, I kind of doubt she does. I figure she's just practicing mounting things again after the jail time.
You've probably seen Paris Hilton Look alike Natalie Reid on a few late night shows. And seeing how Paris is trying to lay low it looks like Natalie's taking over for Paris - ya know, walking the red carpet with her boobs just about falling out of her dress. It's not hard really, I'm surprised Paris hasn't been replaced by a store mannequin years ago. I'll hand it to Natalie Reid, aside from the kind of fat face thing she looks a hell of a lot like Paris Hilton, boobs and all.
Paris Hilton is out of jail. Clearly from this drawing Paris made in jail you can tell she's totally reformed. Honestly when I heard Paris drew a self-portrait I expected a drawing of a big vagina with a turn style and flashing neon lights. But clearly her self-image has improved and she's ready to get to back to serving as the anti-roll model for today's youth. Click on the drawing it to see the full version in all its awesome power. Source
The New York Post reports that NBC has snagged the first post-jail interview with Paris Hilton - to the tune of $1 million. Earning a million dolloars for sitting in jail for month is probably the most work she's ever done. All I can think is that she better pray she never goes back to jail, because I'm guessing ever other inmate that doesn't get a million dollars the day they leave jail for just sitting in front of a camera answering stupid questions is going to have a million different ways to turn Paris Hilton into their personal hand puppet when she comes back. But hey, at least Nicole Richie has something to look forward to. That's hot.
Eonline obtained a letter written in jail by Paris Hilton to her fans. It's pretty much exactly what you would expect - the handwriting printing of a 7th grader. I don't think we have to worry about Paris penning any great novel while she's in jail. The only thing missing are drawings of Carebears, ballons and hearts with arrows that say I love my celmate big Mona.
Paris Hilton called Barbara Walters over the weekend and dispensed a steamy pile of crap from her jail cell. Among the nuggets of wisdom and revelation Paris shared with Barbara was:
I was severely depressed and felt as if I was in a cage
Yes, sweatheart it's called JAIL.
I used to act dumb. That act is no longer cute. Now, I would like to make a difference.
ACT dumb? What? Even better Paris' mom jumps in the act. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree apparently.
Kathy Hilton gave Walters a public statement in which she said she wished "young people who look up to people like Paris can learn from this." - People
Young people who look up to Paris. Yes, people can learn from Paris that being in a jail is very similar to being in a cage. Shocking. It's that kind of knowledge and insight that will truly help Paris get out and do good in the world. She can help kids learn important things the sun is really hot, so don't jump to high and try to touch it.
Once again, proving sometimes the world is fair (at least for a moment), Paris Hilton has been ordered back to jail to finish out her sentence. She reportedly cried the entire time and had to be helped out of the courtroom. The whole thing is so ridiculous. Letting her out the first time was moronic. What a screwed up legal system. Stop giving this broad special treatment because she's rich and cute. Stick her in a cell WITH a cellmate and let her learn life's lessons. I'd rather see our legal system spend it's dollars on keeping truly dangerous criminals locked up for good, but Paris gets what she deserves. Haha have fun. Next up - Nicole Richie - your time is coming.
If the air smells funky in Los Angeles it's probably not the smog. It's the shit storm brewing around Paris Hilton's prison release. And for good reason. A judge has ordered Paris Hilton back to court - which initially meant a phone-in from her house - until the judge said get your ass back in person. So that's where princess is headed now. I so hope they throw her ass back in jail for the full-term. It would really be better the second time. Just think Paris, was probably feeling great - being released to hang at her house, finally out of jail - and then you thrown her sorry ass back in. Couldn't be better.
Whatever sorry excuse got her out of jail the first time was crap. I've heard everything from panic attacks to a yeast infection as being the reason for her first release. Whatever it was it's bogus. Something tells me quite a few people would suffer panic attacks being locked in a jail cell 24/7, I don't see them being released. What a load. TMZ has up-to-the-minute details. The picture above is of the media surrounding Paris' house yesterday. I'm sure you can multiple that by 100 today. And where's the truck with the gallows?
Paris Hilton was released from jail today after serving only a five days of her 23 day sentence. Shocking. A press release issued by the LA County Sheriff's office offers this explanation:
After extensive consultation with Los Angeles County medical personnel, including doctors at the century regional detention facility, it has been determined that Paris Hilton will be reassigned to the community-based alternative to custody: The CBAC program.
Ms. Hilton has been fitted with an electronic monitoring device and will serve the remainder of her sentence confined to her home. She will now serve the full 45 day sentence. Ms. Hilton has been in custody for five days and therefore will be serving 40 days in the electronic monitoring program under the supervision of the Los Angeles Country probation department.
A medical condition, eh. How convenient. Let's face it, Paris is a walking medical condition. Could they have at least waited until she was given a proper prison initiation. Did she even get a chance to bend over and pick up the soap? So now Paris gets to host a 40-day party at her house. That's nice. But look at the bright side that frees up jail space for murders and idiots who throw teenagers off stages.
The 2007 MTV Movie Awards were last night and Sarah Silverman is my new hero. From calling Lindsay Lohan a pig to making jokes about Paris Hilton going to jail and getting special treatment -like having jail cel bars painted like penises - and then breaking her teeth on them. The video is great. Paris laughs at a bit at the mention of going to jail, then looks like she's about to cry when Sarah jokes about the penis bars. Classic.
And in an ironic twist to a joke later in the show about Paris going to jail early - she really did. Yahoo reports that Paris Hilton went to jail two days early. Horray!
A publicized rally in support of Paris Hilton led to a staggering turnout of three people. Really. So it would seem sites like HelpSaveParis.com aren't helping Paris one bit. Maybe Paris could hire this look alike to do the jail time for her. Or at least keep cranking out the sex tapes whiles she's out of action in the slammer.
Oh poor Paris, crying over going to jail. We might feel more sorry for you if you weren't pictured driving a car on the home page of PEOPLE.com, which is the VERY reason you're going to jail in the first place, you complete idiot. If the video of Paris crying gets to you then you can head over to www.helpsaveparis.com and leave your little well wish, or sign the petition to deny clemency to Paris and throw her ass in jail where she belongs. You can do that here. Special thanks IDontLikeYouInThatWay.com!
It's official (I think), Wonkeye is headed to the clink. As proof of all things awesome in the universe:
A Los Angeles County Superior Court judge has sentenced Paris Hilton to 45 days in L.A. County jail for violating her probation in a reckless driving case.
Man, who would have thought Paris Hilton would really go to jail. That's right up there with unicorns and flying monkey's - the kind that come out of your ass. So the bitch just might become someone's bitch. Knowing Paris she'll turn this into either some kind of reality show or crank out a prison sex tape.
Paris Hilton may have to quit drinking - by court order. TMZ reports that not only are prosecutors trying to send Paris to jail for 45 days, they may also require her to stop drinking alcohol for 90 days and prove it.
The legal papers ask that "Hilton be ordered to serve 45 days in County Jail." Prosecutors also want her to be ordered "not to consume any alcohol for a continuous period of 90 days." During that 90-day period, prosecutors want her "to be monitored for alcohol consumption ... by use of a Secure Continuous Remote Alcohol Monitoring (SCRAM) device at her expense."
And in a most fantastic twist of awesome irony, here's a photo of Paris Hilton taken yesterday at the opening of the Stoli Hotel in Hollywood.
This is like the 100th time in three days that Paris Hilton has been spotted eating ice cream. You think she'd look like Charlotte Church by now. Her shirt reminds me of the side of a Sparklets truck. It's like some sort of medieval armor plating, except dipped in gold. Shiny shiny gold.
If would appear that any rumors of Paris Hilton dating Josh Henderson could be taken as fact. The two of them have been spotted together again. The bigger question revolves around Paris' impressive cleavage. Where did that comes from? Everybody's seen her little bits and nice as they are they're not that big. I doubt Paris got a boob job, but whatever kind of black magic enabled pushup bra she's wearing makes her look like she got herself some implants.
Rumors are Paris Hilton is now spreading her love to Josh Henderson of Desperate Housewives. People.com reports the Paris and Josh were seen kissing and touching at an LA restaurant. The story doesn't lend too much credibility considering it's perfectly feasible Paris was seen kissing and touching anyone really, or anything, let alone another human. And what might constitute dating Paris Hilton is a whole other story - one that probably involves a massise lose of brain cells and loads of antifungal cream. Source.
Paris Hilton's life is really like an x-Rated mad lib. MediaTakeOut has posted what looks to be a photo of Paris Hilton giving a blowjob to Cee Lo from Gnarls Barkley. I'm pretty sure when the day comes to write the biography of Paris Hilton all it will take is a mad lib filled with the name Paris Hilton, and a list of sex acts. Then you have a 13-year-old kid fill in the rest with random words. And it will all be true.
Pretty much one of the most heinous crimes perpetuated against man kind is that the likes of Paris Hitlon is allowed to command a $200K vehicle. So not worthy. But I guess if you drive around getting DUI's and running into stuff things have a way of taking care of themselves. Like Paris' Bentley being towed after she drives around without lights on with a suspended license. See, there's justice in the world after all.
A judge in Los Angeles has ordered the ParisExposed.com web site shut down - at least temporarily. Having the site shut down is kind of a drag for owner Bardia Persa considering he paid $10 million dollars for all of Paris' storage unit crap. But I suppose it doesn't really matter considering videos from the site are already on every major viral video site known to man.
Apparently this is one of the video clips that has come out of Paris Hilton's storage unit and is being shown on ParisExposed.com. While the thought of rifling through Paris Hilton's belongings might sound intersting this video might prove otherwise. While Paris' boobs are briefly groped by Joe Francis (Girls Gone Wild), the rest of the 20 minutes is a good representation of what's inside Paris' head. Nothing.
The contents of Paris Hilton's storage unit where recently auctioned off for $2,775 after Paris neglected to pay the $208 bill. Now someone has gone through (sniffed) every item and put them all online. Bardia Persa has created ParisExposed.com, a pay site where you can supposedly see private videos, including more Paris sex tapes, nude photos and even read her private letters. The only thing missing from the collection is the turnstyle Paris keeps at her bedroom door and the 40-gallon barrel of condoms she calls her nightstand.
Paris Hilton has reached a plea agreement in her drunk-driving case.
Hilton entered a plea of no contest Monday to a lesser charge of reckless driving, and was placed on 36 months probation. She must also pay a fine of $390 and attend an alcohol education program.
Another celebrity getting probation for DUI isn't really news. There are so many greater injustices in the world than Paris just getting probation. Like someone owning a Mercedes Mclaren SLR who can barely remember their name. Or Paris not serving time in jail and putting out a sex tape named One Night in the Slammer.
In addition to generally slutty Paris Hilton is also cheap. TMZ reports she skipped out on a restaurant bill for a hamburger and mineral water. And from the looks of this photo she's taken to showering in public showers. The restaurant thing I can understand, I do that all the time. But showering in public. What? Too bad her sunglasses are the same size as her bikini.
Pam Anderson is doing Playboy, yet again. It's almost not worth posting (except it is). Pam getting naked in Playboy really isn't much different than the sun coming up each morning, or Paris Hilton slipping a crotch - all of these things happen everyday - and each make me horny - ok, well not Paris. Click the pick for a NSFW naked shot of Pam in Playboy and tell me if she isn't one step away from Japanese anime. And it's worth pointing out that she's leading in votes by landslide over at the The Burning Bra for the Most Overrated Boobs.
Paris Hilton is engaged, or maybe not engaged. For certain, still stupid. Paris was seen with a giant ass diamond ring on her left ring finger, prompting the celebrity rumormill into full production over whether or not she's now engaged to Starvos Niarchos. I say the ring is fake and I'd know because I got one just like it out of a box of cereal last week. And it decoded a secret message on the back of the box too (cool, eh - I know). And aside from telling me I was now king of the world, the secret message also said Paris Hilton is a crazy gypsy.
In what seems like an unbelievable story Paris Hilton has cancelled her upcoming appearance at the Billboard Music Awards because she doesn't like the jokes that were written for her. Paris' spokesperson claims the jokes poked fun at her friends and she didn't want to say anything embarassing or hurtful. Hard to believe not because Paris is acting like a prissy bitch - that I totally buy - but not wanting to hurt people. What? It's almost as aliens have come down and replaced the real Paris Hilton with someone who has a heart and soul. Please say it's not true.
It's clear that Britney Spears is spending way too much time with the likes of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. You can tell just by looking at that picture of Britney's naked crotch. They're the three crotch slipping muskateers. I doubt they could find one pair of underwear between the three of them, and would likely have even more trouble counting it them they did. Britney nearly slipped the full cooch recently as well, but that picture didn't show nearly as much crack as this one.
Not that this will really work, but people are sure trying: HelpSaveBritney.com
Kevin Federline is now saying (through his attorney) that there he and Britney Spears did not make a Honeymoon sex tape. And that rumors of K-Fed selling the tape for millions of dollars are completely false. Damnit. I really hope this story is the false one and that there is a Spears K-Fed blowjob fest. Because it's clear that Paris Hilton is slacking big time seeing as how she hasn't pumped out a sex tape in months. I had wondered how K-Fed throught he was going to fight for custody of his kids while he was selling sex tapes from the back of a van down by the river. Something tells me those two don't mix, unless maybe you live in Kazahkstan. Source.
A few days ago a clip of a supposed Britney Spears sex tape made it's way onto Pornotube.com, a sex video sharing site. The blowjob clip looked like it could a fake. But British tabloid The Sun is reporting that indeed there is a Britney Spears Kevin Federline sex tape. The honeymoon video is said to be four hours long and KFed is supposedly trying to sell it for millions. After watching the Spears Pornotube clip I was doubtful that it was really Britney doing the blowing, but in light of more sex tape rumors it's starting to look like there may really be a Spears KFed sex video. And if the video is real, can it top the infamous One Night in Paris sex tape?
It's been a while since we had a celebrity sex tape scandal. Just a day after Britney Spears files for divorce the net is buzzing with word of a Britney Spears sex tape with Kevin Federline. The short video is off a blowjob and has been posted here on PornoTube.com. I'll admit the girl giving the blowjob looks a bit like Britney, but I'm crying fake. All you really see is dick, and who the hell wants to see Kevin Federline's dick anyway. The video has even been branded with a Britney K-Fed sex tape logo, which I can assume is a pretty good way of insuring some form of lawsuit - unless of course the sex tape is real. In which case my vote for best celebrity blowjob still goes to Paris Hilton. And, if that isn't enough BJ action for you check out Chloe Sevigny giving Vincent Gallo a blowjob in The Brown Bunny. The real deal on film. It's a blowjob extravaganza!
Paris Hilton says she's back in love with Stavros Niarchos. Paris and Stavros attended Diddy's Unforgivable 50 party aboard a yacht in Saint-Tropez, (the same locale where Pam and Kid tied the knot). I can only assume this means Paris has batted through the order is back to the lead off man? Source. File under Paris Hilton.
Personally I'm not, but it seems that nude photos of Nicole Richie may be on the way to a computer near you. MSN reports that Nicole's camera was lost in a recent trip to an LA night club. The story claims that Nicole had the club searched, along with the bags of many A-listers, looking for the lost camera. That sounds a little far fetched to me. Nicole Richie is about the last celebrity I'd like to see nude these days. She's one step from a skeleton and so seriously lothesome on the Simple LIfe that I'd rather look at photos of a masturbating chip then anything x-rated Nicole Richie might have done. Unless of course it's reconciling with Paris Hilton in a little girl on girl action - that I'd give her a pass for. Source.
Yet another celebrity wardrobe malfunction. This catch is Mischa Barton hanging out of a purple dress. It's a classic celebrity nip slip shot really. Archetypal I'd say - the slightly stunned expression, like she knew her breast was falling out her dress, even though she really doesn't - the slight nipple slip, tasteful if you will, nothing like a Bai LIng where you let your tits just hang out everywhere. And then there's the setting, again, classic stuff, exiting a car, how many times have we seen Paris Hilton's vagina doing this. But again Mischa heightens the experience with the subtle slip. Perfect I say.
There are probably lots of explanations for this photo of Paris Hilton bent over in an dirty alley trying to catch a rat like animal. Celebrity scavenger hunt perhaps, a still shot from the latest episode of cops? I prefer to think of it as PETA's nightmare. And there's probably a lot worse things Paris could catch in a dark alley.
So we're gearing up for a topless and debaucherous holiday weekend, so before full inebriation kicks in we thought we'd throw up a link list to the best celebrity nipple slips. Call it a celebration of the independence of the nipple. A slip list would not be complete without Paris Hilton falling out at her video shoot. Recently crowned MILF Gwen Stefani gave a peek at the MTV Awards. Keira Knightley Esquire side view slip is a good one as well. And perhaps the queen of the nipples, Bia Ling and her giant pair. Without a doubt one of the most popular celeb slips came courtesy Lindsay Lohan at the GM Fashion Awards, a fantastic side view full boob shot.
We're not totally sure of the official nip rules, but for sake of celebration we're going to throw in few nipple moments that are really more than a slip, more like celebrities just letting their boobs hang right out. Pamela David watching soccer for starters. Jodie Marsh's giant boobs have reached the point of no return. And what the hell, let's throw in some Maria Sharapova Cameltoe, just for good measure. And for those viewers who still haven't got their fill of celebrity nakedness we'd recommend finishing yourself over at MrSkin.com.
Yeah, I know what you're thinking, "The first Simple Life sucked too". True. I admit I find endless amusement in the idiotic behavior of Paris Hilton and Skeletor Nicole Richie. It's kind of like watching circus freaks, you just can't take you're eyes of them. I finally got around to watching a couple episodes of The Simple Life 2. Holy crap. The Hilton Richie feud has ruined this stupid show. You'd have to have watched to understand, so I may be ranting to absolutely no one, but the way it's edited and set up blows. And Nicole Richie is more annoying than ever. These poor people. So for the sake of my TV enjoyment Paris and Nicole need to make up and end this feud - wait - I mean make out and do it nude.
A restaurant opening in Scottsdale, AZ - The Pink Taco - brought out a fine cast of hot ass. While these photos were not taken at the Pink Taco's opening, Arizona's resident porn star Jenna Jameson was indeed on hand, as well as the Soprano's Jamie Lynn Sigler Discala. Arizona Cardinals Matt Leinhart also attended, apparently sans Paris Hilton. The Pink Taco has caused controversy over it's name. I think it all depends on who's Pink Taco it is, but generally speaking eating at the Pink Taco is a good thing.
Here's a quick post of Paris Hilton at something called the MuchMusic Awards in Toronto, I think? She looks like she's made of wax. Which might be the way to go when you reach the point your body is riddled with disease and god know's what else. Britney Spears has made the move to wax as well. We'd recommend Charlie Sheen also investigate the option.
I have no idea where Paris Hilton is going dressed in a black slip, but what a classy look. Nice. Day time lingerie is after all the platform I'm running on when I become president.
Only worthy of posting because it seems pretty close to a Paris Hilton nipple slip. Looks like she's trying to figure out how to write her name, and meanwhile doing what she does best - having her boob fall out of her dress. Nice move. For a true Paris Hilton nipple slip click this eh.
Paris Hilton appeared on the Late Show with David Letterman last night. I had no intent on watching, but after seeing that Keanu Reeves on was Leno, I switched. I'd rather watch Walker Texas Ranger while having bamboo shoots shoved under my finger nails than watch anything pertaining to Keanu Reeves and his horrendous acting. Anway, Paris was on Letterman, who I must say sucks. I used to think David Letterman was pretty funny, but I can't even fathom how he is still on the air. His show is totally unwatchable, aside from Paris Hilton whom I had to stop and watch for the pure train wreck factor. I'd still like to throw on a double strength body condom and bang the living hell out of her - followed by a bath in bleach of course - but she really is the village idiot. I laughed hard when Dave ask her if she wanted to sing. Trust me. Paris is not singing live, nor going on tour. She's a studio manufactured nimskull who might sell a few albums simple because her tit fell out her swimsuit while filming a video. She's not a singer. She also plugged the newest season of The Simple Life, which actually sounds funny. Because I find humor in seeing a rich socialite invade the lives of ordinary people and then show no respect for personal property, morals, etc… That's funny tv.
For the love of god will someone please lock Paris Hilton up. This time the driving menace backs into a parked car in a parking garage and then leaves. Nice move idiot. It's not like the paparrazi where filming you or anything. I guess it's safer if Paris Hilton just sticks to parking in handicapped spots. It's apparently a misdemeanor under California law to leave the scene of an accident - or drive without your seatbelt on, as Paris was also doing - though we can't really call that action driving. Anyway I've got my hopes set high for a little jail time and some Paris Hilton prison sex tapes.
Paris Hilton is being accussed of parking in a handicapped spot at Matt Leinarts place.
The 'House of Wax' star has infuriated residents in the exclusive Los Angeles apartment complex where her boyfriend, American football player Matt Leinart, lives by repeatedly leaving her car in the same spot. Paris' spokesman, Elliot Mintz, told America's New York Post newspaper: "I find the reports surprising."
People are apparently upset, but I can't understand why. They're obviously familiar with who Paris Hilton is. Have they really taken a good look at this broad. She can't sing, she's barely able to dress herself, she can't recall the names of simple things - like a video game she's promoting - and from the looks of this photo of Paris trying getting out of her SLR, I maintain that she's barely able to operate a vehicle. Not to mention what she might have come in contact with during the numerous sex tapes. Handicapped, I say yes.
Here's the completely ground breaking Paris Hilton music video Stars Are Blind. The video is amazing, a completely unique, one-of-a-kind - the first video ever of Paris Hilton where she keeps all of her clothes on. Oh, well except for this nipple slip during filming. If you really want to see Paris Hilton in action check out this video of her in a bikini on a lazy susan - seriously. She can spin with the best of em.
Here's a photo of what might be Paris Hilton cameltoe at the Cannes film festival. I've hired the guy in the suit that appears off the right side of the photo to follow Paris around and point out any cameltoe that may appear. As you can see he's doing his job just fine. Unfortunately news is that Paris Hilton's album has been delayed yet again. Perhaps until September. And here's a photo of Paris Hitlon's boob almost falling out her shirt. Which has nothing to do with her album, but ya know. whatever.
I'm just quoting! Brandon Davis went on a full rant trashing Lindsay Lohan saying among other things she's got a fire crotch, smells like diarrhea, has a seven foot long clitoris and has freckles coming out of her vagina. Classic. Really the best thing about it isn't Davis' berating, it's Paris Hilton laughing like a maniac following him everywhere. She's so totally nuts. Who the hell knows what spawned the rant but it was damn funny. Not to mention this still image makes it look like Paris Hilton's tit is falling out of her dress. Which pretty much makes any video better. Which pretty much happens everytime Paris is in front of a video camera. Here's the Fire Crotch video clip.
Most people buy a nice card for their mom on mother's day, maybe some flowers. Paris Hilton spends three or four hours shopping and spends 10G. And then has it stolen right off her doorstep.
Nearly $10,000 worth of Christian Dior shoes, sunglasses, handbags and perfume was allegedly lifted from outside the Hilton home, family spokesman Elliot Mintz tells the Associated Press.
Nothing says love like 10 large worth of shoes. Nice. And I have no idea what this photo of Paris has to do with this story, but bent over like that with her ass in the air it kind of looks like she's trying to find her lost crap. Or maybe waiting for the gardener to give it her. Source.
This chick is so baffling. What the hell is with these glasses? I typically wouldn't even bother with this, but they're just f-ing retarded. And the crazy hair. Nicole Richie needs to ditch the sunglasses, sit down, have a hamburger or two and for the love of god make up with Paris Hilton so we can see a Nicole Richie Paris Hilton sex tape already. For a little Nicole nostalgia here's a photo of Nicole Richie's tit ring back when she was pudgy.
Here's some fine photos of Paris Hilton attempting to get out of her $400K McLaren SLR. Lucky bitch. I'd gladly deal with the parking issues associated with a vehicle of this fine caliber. Most because the issues would revolve around trying not to run over all of the hot ass that follows the car and deciding who I was going to bang first on the hood.
This is a killer photo of Paris Hilton in a Bikini. For the simpleton reason that she looks smokin hot and f-able. And for those who like to get cerebral about their jerk off material it's pretty damn funny that Paris Hilton is pictured cleaning a pool - or cleaning anything really. Like her vagina or your computer screen. Either of which likely needs a quality scrubbin.
Sources report that Nikki and Paris Hilton are in talks to have a cartoon tv show made about their lives. It's about time. I've been lobbying endless for more animated porn. And I'd contend that following the antics of Paris Hilton in cartoon form would be as good as any animated porn even the filthiest people could come up with. And at least in a cartoon there wouldn't be any miracle scientific explanations needed to explain how in the hell the characters live through the disease and whoring week after week. What would be totally cool is if the guys that do Aqua Teen Hunger Force did the Paris Hilton cartoon. You're going to need some wacked creative wizards like that to even have a shot at animating Paris Hilton's life.
Well, it's not often we can offer you a complete celebrity slip combo like this. So celebrate. It's two for one folks. The Pussy Cat Dolls are slipping everything, everywhere. A Pussy Cat Dolls nipple slip and pussy slip. I guess this is what happens when you start rockin' without the proper undergarments. Click your picks for the NSFW versions.
February is the month of love. First Valentine' Day and then the start of celebrity sex tape season. First we had the Kid Rock sex tape guest staring Scott Stapp of Creed and a stable of big breasted groupies. Now the next sex tape buzz revolves around, who else, Paris Hilton. Which makes sense, cause you figure Paris Hilton's got to be good for at least one sex video a year. This time it's with Playboy model Nicole Lenz. Female First has a report on the lesbian sex details as told by Nicole. Here's snippet:
"Paris had brought all manner of sex toys - to make sure we didn't miss out on anything simply because there was no man in bed with us!".
Music to your ears eh. And this is the chick who refuses to strip for Playboy, yet you just have to fire up the computer to see Paris Hilton having sex on tape. Makes no sense really. But nothing Paris does makes sense. Well, ok having sex with Nicole Lenz on tape, or any Playboy playmate, actually makes pretty good sense to most men. Photos of the Paris Hilton Nicole Lenz sex tape have been spotted, we'll keep you up-to-date. Until then check out Nicole totally naked at here. Nice.
In a fantastic effort to make opera more accessible for everyone Drew Barrymore had sex with Fabrizio Moretti in the bathroom at La Boheme. The New York Post reports that Barrymore and Strokes drummer boyfriend got down in the stall of a women's bathroom at the opera before being caught and tossed out. Compliments to Drew for taking one right out of Paris Hilton's book. Now if someone would only find her a bra before we start tripping on those things. I've had sex in the bathroom at the opera many times without getting caught. Everybody knows you've got to tip the attendant though. Silly Drew.
You've got to watch this unedited video of Paris Hilton. She on all fours in a green bikini on a lazy susan - really. Just spinning around. And around. The video is by Vincent Gallo. I can't quite put it into words but watching the video of Paris Hilton spinning in circles is confusing, mesmerizing and retarded all at once. I'm guessing it's a good representation of being inside Paris' head. See the Paris Hilton Vincent Gallo video here.
Who the hell could ever tell if this is real or fake, but an ultrasound of Angelina Jolie's baby is supposedly up for sale on eBay.com. Buying a nude photo on eBay would be personal enough, but it doesn't get much more up close than buying a picture of Angelina Jolie's uterus and baby. About the only thing I could think of more personal might be buying the ad space on the inside of Paris Hilton's vagina. And that can't be far off. Whether or not the Angelina Jolie ultrasound story is real or fake it's pretty crazy someone would sell it anyway. Even funnier is people like this jumping into the action.
I'm racking my brain trying to make sense of seeing Nicole Richie together with Steve O. The two are so odd, which is like saying the sun is a bit hot. My mind wanders to all the bizarre and horrendous things Steve O could do to Niocle by incorporating her into his dog and pony show. Like maybe stapling her to Paris Hilton and forcing a little made up session. Or folding Nicole up, putting her in a FedEx box and sending her across country. We know she'd fit.
With this post I'll sadly have to say goodbye. The Pulitzer Prize is mine and I'm leaving to work for the New York Times. My celebrity photo reporting skills have come to reaches echelons unknown. I proudly present a photo of Kirsten Dunst scratching her ass. And, to top that off, a nice photo of Paris Hilton in a bikini with her hand in her crotch. I will now pause for the applause. Hey that rhymes, cool. I have no explanation for these celebrity photos of Paris and Kirsten other than general comfort problems. It happens to everyone. Fortunately for most of us we don't have a telephoto lens stuffed up our crack when we partake in the scratch. (Not a pick, a scratch).
So if you're into hot half naked photos of the relatives of terrorists you're in luck! GQ Magazine is publishing photos of Wafah Dufour - the niece of Osama Bin Laden. No shit! GQs pictorial includes photos of Wafah Dufour in lingerie and other sexy outfits. What a world we live in. Now I know the Bin Laden clan is said to be huge and detached from ole' Osama, but there's just something so 21st century post-modern scary surreal about the fact that a soldier fighting a war could be crusin' along with pin up photos of the enemies niece stuck to the side of his tank. I think? the photos of Wafah Dufour are due out in the next issue of GQ. Not sure though. Check the net and I'm sure you'll find the Wafah Dufour pictures. The name is kind of catchy though, Wafah Dufour.
Nicole Richie has ended her engagement to DJ AM Adam Goldstein. People Magazine reports that Nicole rep has confirmed that the engagement has been called off. This means that Adam Goldstein is off the hook. He no longer has to marry someone that dresses like a grandma and wear sunglasses that look like f'en satellites. And since neither Paris HIlton or Nicole is engaged anymore it opens the door for a holiday reunion and some hot lesbian action between old pals. That, my friends, is Christmas spirit. File under Nicole Richie Engagement.
Yahoo's got a promotion on their front page that could possibly lead to a cure for cancer or an answer to global warming, really. You can ask Paris Hilton a question, and I assume Paris will answer you. How a blank stare is going to translate to the internet I'm not sure. Perhaps Paris is going to answer them by video. Paris can either give you a long blank start or maybe flash her boobs. The Ask a Question promotion is tied into the release of her new book Heiress Diary. Considering Paris can hardly answer the phone I'd hold your breath for any earth shattering answers. Although maybe that's a useful question. How long can Paris hold her breathe?
Sources including MSN are running stories about Nicole Richie receiving prank phone calls. Nicole claims that almost every night Paris Hilton is making prank calls to her. Of course Richie she has no proof who really make the prank calls, but she believe it to be Paris. I don't. I find it tough to believe that Paris Hilton is making prank calls. I find it hard to believe that Paris Hilton even knows how to dial a phone, or remember more than 3 things at once, let alone a complete phone number. And odds are that Paris learned to count to 69 and decided that was a great place to stop. Let's face it if you look like Paris, and like the number 69 you could probably get just about anyone on the planet to do anything for you. So if it is Paris behind the prank calls to Nicole I'd put my money on a happy assistant with crotch breath.
If you watch the video of Paris Hilton's car crash you'll clearly see that her boyfriend, Stavros Niarchos - who was the one who actually crashed Paris' Bentley - can't drive worth a damn. Not only did Niarchos crash the Bentley, but then fled the scene of the accident with Paris Hilton, Kimberly Stweart and Talan Torriero all in tow. It's clear for the crash video that Stavros is a shitty driver. The Bentley was surrounded by countless photographers and all he could manage to do was run into a parked truck! He missed every single photographer! Didn't hit a one. Now I'm a bad ass driver. If I was behind the wheel of a Bentley, with Paris in the front seat, I'd have mowed down at least five, maybe six of those photogs, all while Paris pleasured me at the same time. Stavros sucks.
The tabloids are a buzz with rumblings about Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn getting engaged, or at least living together. And then you have some dunce on the set of Angelina's movie leaking news that supposedly Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are engaged. So the race is on. You've got to figure that each thinks the other one will look like the bigger ass if they get engaged first. It's seems Jolie and Pitt are all but ready to go, and recent photos of Jennifer Aniston with Vince Vaughn might suggest they are gaining ground quick. I think the thing to do here is to have a combo wedding Aniston and Vaughn, Jolie and Pitt, all at once. Hire Paris Hilton to dance nude on the head table and you've got yourself a hell of a party.
Just a quick rap up of the celebrity gossip headlines floating through cyberspace today. Paris Hilton is said to have had sex in a port-a-potty with new boyfriend Stavros Niarchos. Sounds far fetched (Femalefirst.co.uk is the source), but Paris Hilton having sex just about anywhere is believable. I'm waiting for her to get busy of the FAO Schwartz window display this Christmas. Lindsay Lohan has been spotted with some giant ass lips and looks old and hideous, imho. Oh, and Gwyneth Paltrow is pregnant. Gwyneth confirmed the recent rumors that she will be having another child. I've got $5 on the name Kumquat for this kid. Pink and Carey Hart got married and if you've been living under a rock for a few days now, Janet Jackson has a secret daughter. There ya go folks.
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In what seems like an unbelievable story Paris Hilton has cancelled her upcoming appearance at the Billboard Music Awards because she doesn't like the jokes that were written for her. Paris' spokesperson claims the jokes poked fun at her friends and she didn't want to say anything embarassing or hurtful. Hard to believe not because Paris is acting like a prissy bitch - that I totally buy - but not wanting to hurt people. What? It's almost as aliens have come down and replaced the real Paris Hilton with someone who has a heart and soul. Please say it's not true.
For the love of god will someone please lock Paris Hilton up. This time the driving menace backs into a parked car in a parking garage and then leaves. Nice move idiot. It's not like the paparrazi where filming you or anything. I guess it's safer if Paris Hilton just sticks to parking in handicapped spots. It's apparently a misdemeanor under California law to leave the scene of an accident - or drive without your seatbelt on, as Paris was also doing - though we can't really call that action driving. Anyway I've got my hopes set high for a little jail time and some Paris Hilton prison sex tapes.
In a fantastic effort to make opera more accessible for everyone Drew Barrymore had sex with Fabrizio Moretti in the bathroom at La Boheme. The New York Post reports that Barrymore and Strokes drummer boyfriend got down in the stall of a women's bathroom at the opera before being caught and tossed out. Compliments to Drew for taking one right out of Paris Hilton's book. Now if someone would only find her a bra before we start tripping on those things. I've had sex in the bathroom at the opera many times without getting caught. Everybody knows you've got to tip the attendant though. Silly Drew.
Who the hell could ever tell if this is real or fake, but an ultrasound of Angelina Jolie's baby is supposedly up for sale on eBay.com. Buying a nude photo on eBay would be personal enough, but it doesn't get much more up close than buying a picture of Angelina Jolie's uterus and baby. About the only thing I could think of more personal might be buying the ad space on the inside of Paris Hilton's vagina. And that can't be far off. Whether or not the Angelina Jolie ultrasound story is real or fake it's pretty crazy someone would sell it anyway. Even funnier is people like this jumping into the action.
I'm racking my brain trying to make sense of seeing Nicole Richie together with Steve O. The two are so odd, which is like saying the sun is a bit hot. My mind wanders to all the bizarre and horrendous things Steve O could do to Niocle by incorporating her into his dog and pony show. Like maybe stapling her to Paris Hilton and forcing a little made up session. Or folding Nicole up, putting her in a FedEx box and sending her across country. We know she'd fit.
So if you're into hot half naked photos of the relatives of terrorists you're in luck! GQ Magazine is publishing photos of Wafah Dufour - the niece of Osama Bin Laden. No shit! GQs pictorial includes photos of Wafah Dufour in lingerie and other sexy outfits. What a world we live in. Now I know the Bin Laden clan is said to be huge and detached from ole' Osama, but there's just something so 21st century post-modern scary surreal about the fact that a soldier fighting a war could be crusin' along with pin up photos of the enemies niece stuck to the side of his tank. I think? the photos of Wafah Dufour are due out in the next issue of GQ. Not sure though. Check the net and I'm sure you'll find the Wafah Dufour pictures. The name is kind of catchy though, Wafah Dufour.
Yahoo's got a promotion on their front page that could possibly lead to a cure for cancer or an answer to global warming, really. You can ask Paris Hilton a question, and I assume Paris will answer you. How a blank stare is going to translate to the internet I'm not sure. Perhaps Paris is going to answer them by video. Paris can either give you a long blank start or maybe flash her boobs. The Ask a Question promotion is tied into the release of her new book Heiress Diary
. Considering Paris can hardly answer the phone I'd hold your breath for any earth shattering answers. Although maybe that's a useful question. How long can Paris hold her breathe?
